Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Yesss.

The lake is OPEN for business people. I should probably just go ahead and close up blog shop for the Summer. The babies and I will spend our mornings swimming at the lake, eating a picnic lunch and getting home in time for naps. It's gonna be so good. I have an extra pass if anybody wants to join us!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Just another grocery shopping war story

Yesterday I remembered why I do not grocery shop with both kids. It raises my blood pressure to an alarming rate. At least it gives me fodder for this blog.

Haven played with (i.e. tormented) Maiya in the car attached to the shopping cart. She screamed while I maniacally attempted to shove the grocery bags into the cart. It seemed like the cashier had put every item in it's own bag. She was stone faced about the shriek Maiya was giving. A few passers by said, "aw, don't cry." Wow, that's really helpful, thank you.

(It was so hectic that I didn't get to enjoy how much I had saved, which is usually the highlight of grocery shopping. Later, though, I celebrated that I had gotten three boxes of brand-name cereal and a gallon of organic milk for five dollars.)

I mean, seriously, there was nobody in that store, employed or not, who could help me for ten seconds of their life? Sometimes I am shocked by the lack of kindness from strangers. Especially when my blood is boiling and I am convinced my stressors are the real problems in the world.

Perhaps, I guess, there is a slight chance that Maiya's cry does not raise blood pressure in every person in the world. Since she isn't their responsibility. Since it isn't their job to assess her cry and meet her needs. But still, somebody could have lent a helping hand. Instead, it felt like everyone was lending a very unhelpful finger.

Just when I was ready to give up on the decency of humanity, an older woman saddled up next to me as we pushed our carts into the parking lot. She told me she had toys for the kids. Toys were not exactly what I needed at the moment, but she was so sincere. Coincidentally, her car was parked next to mine. I unloaded Maiya into her car seat, then Haven to his. Meanwhile, the woman opened her trunk. She looked at me with a twinkle and said, "What would they like?" She had big bags of stuffed animals. My first thought was that I did not want to bring potentially germ-infested stuffed animals from an unknown source into my car or my children's lives, but I chose to look at her gesture as what it was: kind and generous. Just the traits that I needed somebody to possess at that moment.

We drove home with our groceries, a lion, a tiger and a dog that barked the whole way.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thanks for the support and advice!

This morning I tried something a few of you suggested.

Haven: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Me: I can't understand what you're saying when you talk like that.

Haven: (smiles) Please!

Me: Please what? What is it that you want?

Haven: Yes (we've been teaching him to say yes because he used to say Oh instead of Yes, I think he was just running through all of the nice words he knows.)

Me: Yes what? What do you want?

Haven: Please!

This lesson is going to take a while. For both of us.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Give me some wine for that whine

Whining. Somebody, anybody, tell me how to stop this mind-numbing sound that emanates from my children. I bite my tongue because I know that expressing my feelings about it would only sink us all deeper into the Whine Pit. This morning I tried ignoring it. It worked. For three and a half seconds.

I don't want to point fingers at any particular member of this household, however ... Haven is not a big whiner but he is a copycat. I'll leave it at that.

The post-nap, pre-dinner hours are particularly screechy. Dinner preparation is losing all the joy it once held for me. And fast. Like, oops, oh, it's gone. I have tried appeasing them with snacks - then they don't eat dinner. I have tried appeasing them with a television show - then they lose it when I turn it off. I have tried giving them toys, free reign of the pots and pans cabinet, fun music .... not the mention the PILES of toys that are EVERYWHERE! No thanks, mom. We want your undivided ATTENTION! Won't dinner cook itself?

One night I ordered pizza and we played during the time that I would normally cook dinner. No whining. Hm.

My current options are stop cooking dinner or to cook during nap time. Or get fat and go broke ordering out every night. I don't like any of those options.
Any tips?

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Keep 'em comin'

This child is hilarious. He's finally talking enough to keep us laughing throughout the day. If he saw this picture, he would say, "Mess! Mess!" He hates messes. I honestly don't know how Dave and I brought a child into this world who hates messes, but good for him. He finds little particles of cheerios or dust on the floor and then puts in the trash can. Like it's fun. I hope it sticks and it isn't just a pre-potty-training trait.

I'm sorry if this next story is a little off-color, but it was too funny not to share. Haven was with me in the basement yesterday, it was hot and I was wearing shorts. I bent down and I felt a little hand lift the bottom of my shorts and Haven said, "Poop? No poop." I guess he was checking my diaper!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Confidence.

I've thought a lot about this lately. My children came into this world with plenty of it. They would scream, smile and proclaim their presence as Here and Important. They still do. Confidence is obviously something we are born with, so it must be through experience that it ebbs.

Through my internship I was able to watch different counselors work. I noticed that a lack of confidence on the counselor's part broke down the relationship almost immediately. I learned as a counselor I would not know how to help everyone, but with two tools, I could smooth the transition from novice to helper. The first is to know my own limits and the second is to know how to get the help the person needs.

I have found that so many of the things I learned in my experience and education as a counselor are applicable to parenting. I think God knew I needed some training, and He timed my education and the start of our family just right.

I am becoming aware of what I can give to my children. The weight of it is tremendous and the impact immeasurable. There are limits to what I can do well and it will be advantageous if I work as hard as I can within those limits. When they need things outside of those limits, it will be up to Dave and me to learn, grow or find help. As long as I remain aware, I can maintain confidence. I can stand tall. I will do the best I can with what I have; this is a mantra my Dad taught me.

Confidence is a huge thing for a mom. Not just the benefit to her own mental health, but specifically in training her kids. I remember putting a giant, floppy hat on Haven's head last Summer. It was goofy-looking, but it protected him. I tied it under his chin and he looked at me doubtfully. I stepped back and told him he looked very handsome. He smiled and wore the hat proudly. If Mommy says it's cool, it's cool. (Parents of teenagers: I get that this changes, I'm going to go ahead and lap it up while I can.)

I want confidence to be a gift that I give to my children. I want them to be aware of their unique strengths and weaknesses. Often we focus too much on one or the other, most of us on the latter. What a beautiful thing it is to see ourselves for who we are. May you recognize your strengths today, may you respect your weaknesses, may you grow and walk in confidence.