Thursday, October 02, 2014

Nothing Worth Doing is Ever Easy

Well, we got the phone call from the Department of Social Services and we said yes. I have so many things on my mind about our first week as a foster family. However, most of the stories are not my stories; they are our foster daughters' stories, and they are not mine to share.

I will share my own story. It took a shorter amount of time than I care to share for me to think, "What have I gotten myself into?" It wasn't anything about the two cherubs that were brought to my house last Friday; one feverish and both wary. It was the system. It was the fact that I now had two little girls whom I did not know and did not know me at my house. Indefinitely.  I was not given a lot of information. I kind of just had to trust that social services made the right call. I had to trust that my house was safer than their house right now and that was all that mattered.

So we went to the doctor for the fever, bathed, went clothes shopping, played outside, tried to make drinking water fun, styled hair, taught the difference between a cow and an elephant, read bedtime stories, said no, set their favorite show to tape on the DVR, watched Haven and Maiya's soccer games, went to church and went on play dates. By day 2 they decided to call me Titi (Spanish for Auntie) and by day 3 they said, "I love you Titi."

If that all sounds sunny, please do not go sign up to be a foster parent and yell at me when your house is turned upside down. Lots of moments of the week were sweet, but the air is thick with transition and uncertainty. Everybody needs time to talk (me especially). Everybody needs to know they are special, valuable and important. I have spent most of the week thinking, "Who doesn't feel special right now?" and racking my brain for ways to fix that.

I asked one of our (bio) kids how he/she felt and he/she said, "Mom, we just talked about it!" I guess I've been a little intense myself.

I need a neon flashing sign on a t-shirt that says, "You're super special and I'm so glad you're in this family." For my own peace of mind.

I am not a fan of uncertainty, lack of control, or transition. Given that, one might wonder why we became foster parents. We couldn't not. I cannot explain it another way. I believe in God calling us to do certain things and, for Dave and me, this was one of those things. I love the quote, "Nothing worth doing is ever easy."

At the end of one day this week I felt so empty. I needed a sign, even post-it size, to show me this was the right thing. As I cared for one of the little girls we talked. I can't share her story, but she gave me shred of information that brought tears to my eyes. I was so glad she was there with me. For however long we can offer a shelter, we will.

We named our first son Haven because we wanted to create just that for ourselves and our children. We felt the strength of comfort and safety was a great place to spend our lives. As we move forward we continue to work toward that environment. If you pray, pray for us. This is a journey and some days have worse weather than others. It is not easy; it's just worth it.