a really chill update because it's the chill time of day

As I put away size 3T clothes, it's hard to imagine Tristan is too big for them! It's fun to think about another little guy wearing some of them in a few years. I still don't think it all goes fast, per se, but it does go. Crazy days lead to beautiful memories. Our minds are kind to us in that way.

As we get ready for a fifth (!!!) child to join our family I realize we are moving away from Regular Size family to Big Family. I notice this most at dinner time and laundry time. We've grown out of meals like one pizza or one box of pasta (we heart gluten). Some of my recipes just don't cut it without the addition of toast at the last minute. As for laundry, well. Come on over, and we can work on it together. I'll make coffee.

Recently Maiya told me, "You're not the kind of person who likes to work." I believe she was referring to the fact that I am no longer working for pay (or so I hope). I left my counseling job when the office moved to a different town. I've been away from that wonderful place of solitude and productivity job for almost a whole year. I miss it, I thought I was good at it but it just does not fit into our life right now. Someday I'll go back and I'll have all this experience and wisdom and real-life knowledge and I'll be a lot more effective than I was before. (These are the kind promises I make to myself.) The truth is, that is one job I loved to work. I shall show my daughter just that at a later date.

Right now life is about pacing myself. Finally, as I prepare to bring a fourth baby into the world I realize the importance of rest. Yesterday I recited the events of my day to Dave, including, "Then I sat on the couch." He said, "You sat on the couch!?" I could not tell if he was incredulous or if it was mock-judgement. Our 2-year-old foster daughter naps religiously and Tristan's afternoons are often filled with his own nap or afternoon preschool, so this time of day is prize time. It is quiet. I barely answer the phone. I mostly eat and watch TV and GROW A PERSON. The girl who went to grad school, worked full time and grew a baby in her twenties is all grown up and she's learned the importance of rest and solitude. As the weather of the family, taking good care of myself is important. It's only taken me almost 9 years of motherhood to realize that one freak out from mom can turn a perfectly good day into a zone of tension and misery. So I rest. I catch up on Madame Secretary. I drink molasses milk and eat Halloween candy all by myself and I love it.

I recently heard a quote by Chuck Swindoll about the holiness of rest and recuperation. I don't mean to misquote him but that is the part I filed away. Whether that's what he meant or not, it is definitely holy when I can handle the drama and the intensity my family can provide without totally losing my you-know-what. I've tried losing my you-know-what and it kind of freaks everybody out, and that's not my goal.

Anyway, this is how I have decided to transition to Big Family. By chilling out. Taking everything but the family down a notch. As Dave Ramsey says, "Learn to say no. It's liberating." So if I say no to you or I don't volunteer it isn't because I'm so busy and crazy I can't get myself together to do it. Okay, that could totally be the case. But it is ALSO because I'm making this gang of six-almost-seven my priority. These days are filled with real beauty and I have to assume someday I will think it went too fast.