It seems as if I've abandoned this space, but I have always liked abandoned spaces so here I am. In the five months since I last posted, I survived winter. I showed my children how to survive it. On a few, select days, we even enjoyed it. However, winter is a space in time which I am happy to have abandoned. As beautiful as our neighborhood is in the summer, it is desolate in the winter. There is some beauty in the desolation, but as a stay at home mom (yes, I've accepted the term), loneliness is always lurking. I cannot say that I did not spare a few tears over the mounds of snow we had piled on our little street. I cannot say that there were not a few days we went out when should have stayed home. Strange how Target can become a refuge.
But Spring is here and Hallelujah! Just today Haven and I had peppermint tea and chocolate on the deck. He then played in the sandbox while I reclined in a chair, remembering that I love my life.
I was hired as a therapist. My first interview was in December. I cannot start until "The Board" (read the meanies at the state of New Jersey, one of whom yelled at me just yesterday) approves my "Plan of Supervision" which could take another month, or two, or three. All of that mumbo jumbo to say that it takes a lot of red tape to be a therapist. What I have actually earned is a Masters in Paper Work. So, it could be 6 months from my first interview to my first client.
Maiya has begun to talk to me constantly. Her voice is raspy and she ends most statements with, "right?" like a true Jersey Girl. For example, "That's mine, right?" or "It's time to eat, right?" She can make the tree shake when she screams 'no' and she would spend an entire day throwing rocks into the lake if I had the patience to sit there.
The most significant accomplishment of winter, aside from sheer survival, was potty training. Haven is now a proud user of the potty. We started on New Year's day and were pretty much done - I define success loosely - by Valentine's Day. Be skeptical of anyone who tells you that potty training can take 2 or 3 days. Haven was a good sport and I was too - again defining success loosely. During the process I shed a few tears, but none of them were sentimental for diapers. Haven learned to pee and poop in the toilet and I learned that his successes and failures are not mine.
I have felt rather gleeful on days with nice weather. I will wrap up with a short conversation Haven and I had at dinner:
Me: I had fun with you guys today! I had fun getting you dressed, I had fun going for a walk, I had fun eating lunch, I had fun playing with you [on and on and on] and I'm having fun right now!
Haven, watching me like I'm crazy: ... I not that happy.