the little h

I love to talk about Haven, but sometimes I try to bite my tongue and remember that not everyone is as obsessed with him and Dave and I are. BUT, since this is my blog and you click away if you wish, I will devote this post to a list of things about him:

(Here is with grandpa, whom he obviously loves.)

When he's tired, he can't handle anything and everything is a crisis. His face scrunches up and he throws his head into my chest.

He only cries if he's hungry or tired or sick.

He loves his aunts and they can make him laugh until he almost hyperventilates.

I think I've spoiled him with organic baby food. Beech Nut was on a great sale, so I bought a few jars and he will have nothing to do with them.

He has no teeth, which is perfectly fine, because he still nurses sometimes.

He loves blueberries.

Ever since Cricket (our kitten) joined the family, he had a new level of motivation to locomote.

He is afraid of dolls.

He is not only unafraid, but intrigued by heights.

He reads people. I find he likes the same people I do and is wary of the same people that I am. Maybe he's just copying me, but I think he's got a sense for people. (Maybe that's just me being a mom and thinking everything my child does is amazing, but, maybe not.)

He wants people to recognize how cute he is. He stares and makes faces until someone makes a fuss over him.

Sometimes he moans "mamamamama" when he is unhappy.

He loves to lounge back and put his feet up - in the high chair, in the shopping cart and in the stroller.

(In this pic he's with Aunt Rebecca.)

I always thought babies were pretty cute, but I had no idea they could have real personalities at such a young age.

Dave ... want to add anything?

Friends

A house becomes a home once it hold memories.

We had our first weekend guests - Janet, Andy and their two boys. We managed to keep their boys (ages 2 and 4) from rappelling off of our loft and Haven from getting trampled. Haven was thrilled to have little people around, I was thrilled to have big people around. We talked and played games and ate; our typical routine.

Janet and Andy are some of our only friends our age with kids. As I've mentioned, Janet and I were coworkers as teenagers, then roommates and have been great friends for years. One thing we have always done together is laugh. We were in tears, laughing about how much we sometimes crave a break or some time to ourselves. She said that she sometimes wishes she would get sick enough to stay in bed for a couple of days. I said I was looking forward to when we have our next baby because I will get to relax in the hospital for 3 or 4 days. A child brings such a dichotomy of sheer love and total exhaustion. It's confounding, isn't it?

Janet and I did get a nice break on Saturday afternoon when we painted the town red and left the three boys with the Daddies. After we shopped, I showed Janet our one and only cute local coffee shop. Dinner was almost done when we got back and all of the boys were happy (kids and adults). I think we've got it pretty g-o-o-d. This picture of us is pretty old, but lately the only people that make it into our photo shoots are under 3 feet tall. >>

Later, the four of us were talking wistfully about getting away with just our husband or wife for the weekend. We were talking about how magical it would be to sleep in one or two mornings. Janet laughed and said, "Listen to us! We can't wait to get away alone together so that we can sleep." This was when Andy made the brilliant comment: "Sleep is the new sex." Nobody could disagree with that one. We're just in that phase of life where sleep is the rarest treasure.

Thanks for visit, friends! Happy parenting ... and happy zzz's.

Baby Laughs

Probably best as a gift at a baby shower, this book is easy read. It's ideal for the new-mommy-brain-haze. I read it in one day and though I love to read, I'm typically kind of slow. It reads like an email from your best friend; irreverent, honest and what would be too much information if it were from anyone else.

Since my first year of motherhood is coming to an end (Haven is 10 months old already!), there were stories that brought back memories (that I've probably supressed) and others that made me say, "Oh thank God that didn't happen to me" (e.g. hemorrhoids).

Motherhood is such a common experience. It doesn't matter what your life is like, where you live or who you are. I think ALL new moms experience certain situations. For example: waking up at night to make sure the baby is still breathing, desperately hoping you are making the healthiest choices for your baby, feeling nestalgia about your pre-baby marriage, feeling a sense of protection and responsibility you could not have imagined.

Baby Laughs is a fun read, especially if you are in the baby phase. If you're headed to a baby shower, pick it up at Borders, where I found it on the bargain table for $3.

No professional housecleaner, so...

When I was working full time, I could not justify a cleaning person because we lived in a 4 room apartment and Dave did half the cleaning. Now that we are in a house, I can't justify hiring somebody to clean because I only work 2 days a week. One day I will find a way to justify one by either working more hours or earning more than a dollar when I do work. But in the meantime...

I need some help. Not to get all Susie Homemaker ... well, actually, maybe I need to. Here's a little secret: I don't know how to clean. Scratch that. I sort of do know how to clean. I don't know how to get motivated to clean. A schedule maybe? A reward system for myself (e.g. no ice cream until I do my chores - be my own mother, for example). You will hopefully not know this about me, as I do clean for company. But I'd like to maintain a neat, clean house for us.

I'm not sure why some people are able to keep their house super clean while other people (myself, for example) feel it is a constant struggle. Do the clean-house people clean all the time? What's the deal? Give me your secrets!

So, when I do clean, I vacume. And call it a day. Or I clean the kitchen, and leave the bathroom. It's never all done at once. I've heard people say to clean as you go - do I just need to get into that habit? How?

Tell me, what do you do? Cleaning tips, motivational tips and phone numbers to free cleaning services all welcome.

(And don't make fun of me - I know most people probably figured out this stuff out in their first apartment, but I had Janet the Super Cleaner for a roommate, so I didn't learn much.)

Self Care

Last night my professor talked about therapist self care. I actually cancelled an appointment so that I wouldn't miss class. Because I'm not very good at self care, I knew this would be an importat class to attend.

The burn out rate in the health field (mental or physical) is large. Lots of professionals can talk the talk without walking the walk. We teach stress management skills, but do we practice them? Our culture is all about burn out. What are you supposed to say when a job interviewer asks you to "Name one of your weaknesses." The textbook answer is, "I work too hard." Um, an employer may like the idea of exploiting this weakness so you might get the job, but it's really not a trait to be proud of.

A big part of self care is to recognize your priorities. What brings you the most satisfaction when you do it well? My professor had us take five pieces of paper and write on each piece a role we have in our life. She then told us to take one away, imagine that role was not a part of our life any longer. Which would we lose first? Second? Third? She did this until we had only two in front of us. These roles, she said, are the ones we find most fulfilling. These are the ones that can't wait while we attend to Number 4 or 5. So many times, we put first what we think is vital. It was a simple exercise, but it struck me when she said: Those last roles are the roles in which to excel. Maybe you will be average in the roles you threw out, and sometimes being average is okay, it's good. This was quite an earful for me, as I like to be the best at everything I do. It was good though, it was like she said, "So, go ahead and toss the guilt for not being perfect in every little tiny thing you attempt to do in your life."

My final two pieces of paper read wife and mother. I like to think of myself as a feminist. But, the truth is, if I am the best mother I can be and have as strong a marriage as possible, I will be satisfied with my life. (The core of the feminist message is to be who you want to be regardless of social obligation anyway, right? So I'm good.) I love to be a counselor, and that was a hard one for me to crinkle up. However, it isn't going to bring me more joy than my relationships with Dave, Haven (and the babies to come). If I'm an average counselor, that might be okay. (Maybe - I'm still processing that one.) I won't settle for an average marriage or being an average mother.

So, that's what I got out of the self care talk. Oh, and one other thing, which I think is truly interesting: my professor discussed some studies that have been done about depression. In many studies, exercise has been proven as effected as medication to relieve depression. It may sound like inverse logic, but being physically active can lead to a quieter mind. So, when I say walk with me, I mean, stay well with me.