Lori

Editor's Note: Janet and Andy pointed out that this starts out like eulogy. Please know that Lori is alive and well...
Lori and I met 10 years ago when we both ventured to Youth with a Mission's Tyler, Texas base for Discipleship Training School. She from Florida, and I from Delaware. She had beautiful thick hair and a sweet way with the guitar.

In one of my first memories of her, she and I are walking back to our dorm one night after we watched the X-Files with some friends. She says she would only wear a bikini on her honeymoon and I think, This girl is gonna talk about marriage all the time. Doesn't YWAM really stands for Young Women After Men?

As it turned out, Lori had plenty to say about things that had nothing to do with marriage. She wrote songs that made me want to sit in the loft of our dorm and drink hot chocolate while daydreaming about the complicated goodness of life. At our ages, we were at the cusp of self discovery. I was wide-eyed and innocent and she was thoughtful and grounded. Our personalities were so different that we quickly developed a tight bond. We could see eachother's blind spots. We brought a balance to the other person.

A few days before the school was over, my Mom called to tell me that my parents were separated. Lori knew the difficulty of divorce and she listened to me and hugged me and promised I would get through it.

The past ten years have held marriage and a baby boy for each of us. We stood by the other in our weddings (the photo of Lori is from my wedding - doesn't she look stunning?). We swap truths about motherhood on too-rare phone calls. While our lives hold some differences, the warmth of her friendship will always be familiar. We have not see eachother in almost three years since we are separated by about 900 miles and busy schedules. One day we'll visit again and our kids will play and we'll drink hot chocolate (spiked with a little espresso, I imagine).

Now, Lori, I just have one question for you: did you wear a bikini on your honeymoon?

Easy & Delicious

These are two things I love in a recipe. My biggest problem in the kitchen is that I don't add enough flavor. We often load up on the salt and pepper at the dinner table. Anyway, we saw a version of this recipe for meatloaf on Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello. Dave said it is the best meat loaf he's ever had - it has so much flavor! You can see the original recipe here, this is how I made it (based on ingredients I had in the house and what we like):


2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 onion, diced
2 teaspoons (about 3 cloves) chopped garlic
1 pound ground beef
2 eggs
3/4 cup ground up stuffing mix (throw the stuffing in the food process for a few secs or just chop it up)
3/4 cup ricotta
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons chopped basil leaves
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup marinara sauce (I used jarred, but if you make your own, go with your bad self)


Saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil and let cool. Mix them in with all of the indgedients, except for the marinara. Pour the marinara on top. Put it in a loaf pan (the original recipe said to oil the pan, which I did, but I doubt that it's nessecary). Bake at 350 degrees for about 50 minutes.


My only compaint about this recipe is that I couldn't scoop the oil off of the top since it has the sauce. So, you could do that in the middle of the cooking time and then add sauce if you're adamant about minimizing fat. An easier thing would be to use ground turkey, if your fam will go for it. Or, enjoy it as it is. It doesn't taste greasey.


Thanks Michael Chiarello!

Back in the driver's seat

Our front door has a large glass panel and Haven spends a lot of time sitting next to it in silence. Deep, brooding silence. I once went running through the house because I could not find that little boy, and found him there, staring out the door.

After we eat breakfast each morning, he has a little alone time. He plays alone and I check email and do the dishes. He is accustomed to this routine, and rarely gets into things that are off limits during this time. He looks through his books, tosses the big legos around, plays with Crickett or as I mentioned, looks out the door.

Last week I realized the importance of alone time. For me. I have to find moments in my own day to go sit in a peaceful place and have deep, brooding silence. This is impossibe if my little boy refuses to nap. I was a ball of tension by the end of last week.

My child thrives on routine. T-H-R-I-V-E-S. I know, most kids do. Most humans, do, actually, we adults just like to think we're too free-spirited to benefit from a routine. We went back to the nighttime routine and he slept through the night two nights in a row. I'm talking 11 hours. Yes, we had to endure some sobbing from his room, but once the sobbing ceased, the tranquility that filled the house was priceless. It was a little bit like taking the parental reigns back from a 1-year-old. He awoke refreshed and the grumpy boy who has been skulking around the house is gone. Sleep can do wonders for a personality.

This morning he fell asleep in his crib for his first-ever independent nap. Here's our little routine, which we abbreviate for naps: Pajamas, diaper change, cuddle with Mommy or Daddy and the 3 B's (blanket, bottle, book). Listen to a story about love and peace, drink your warm milk, pray for the people we love. Get in the crib. Good night, love bug.

I have to admit, it is much easier to sit in the counseling room with a stressed-out parent and out-of-control teenager and teach the parent about consistency than it is to listen to my son cry while he learns to sooth himself. It is so much easier to make a behavioral plan than it is follow through with one. This is a good lesson in practicing what I preach and in empathizying. It is not easy to do the opposite of what your child wants. Actually, what's harder?

PS - I started another pregnancy blog. The link is on the sidebar.

My little valentine is 1!

Since I did not post about Haven's first birthday, I'll talk about his first year now. It was about Valentine's day last year that I was starting to feel like myself again - ten days after his birth. The pregnancy and recovery were like a good dream, the labor was a tale of torture, but that's alright. It was, of course, all worth it.

Fourteen memories I will treasure from your first year, Haven:

1. Seeing your face for the first time. I knew I would love you for every day of the rest of my life.

2. Learning together how to nurse you. I was so frustrated that it was not working and I remember one day you just threw your head back and started to scream. I thought, I'm like that too. When things are tough, I just cry. It made me wonder how many times I would see myself in you.

3. Dressing you up for Valentine's day! You were such a good sport about it all!

4. Nursing you during lunch breaks while you were in daycare. I missed you so much, I went back to work red-faced for a long time. We were so happy to huddle behind that stupid partition on that folding chair and be together.

[I'm already crying.]

5. Introducing you to new foods. You make the best expressions! Often you scrunched up your face in discust, and then popped your mouth open for another bite.

6. Watching you sleep.

7. Dressing you in all of those cute clothes we received as gifts and posing you for pictures.

8. Your first deep laugh. It was while Uncle Manny and Daddy were playing with you.

9. Seeing your personality emerge. You are so outgoing, friendly, thoughtful...

10. The first time you sat in the shopping cart at the grocery store. I wanted to make a public anouncement that this was a first. You looked so impressed with your view of the store.

11. The way your face lights up when I come home or come pick you up from somewhere.

12. High fives. You love the sound.

13. Taking walks in our old neighborhood. You just stared at me from your stroller. I usually stared back, but sometimes I had to look up so that we didn't crash.

14. Your first steps! I was absolutely stunned. I thought they would never come.

Prepare to be bored if you aren't obsessed with a toddler.

I was going to lay down with Haven for a nap, but he's crazy about these giant legos our friends gave him. So I say, let him play. He will sleep. Eventually.

We have new sleep issues. It is the sort of detail only parents can stand to hear about. Haven won't fall asleep alone anymore. The blissful time period in which he did not cry when we put him in his crib at night has ended. I miss those thankful glances he gave me before he rolled over and went to sleep. Now he arches his back when he sees the crib, throws himself into a full tantrum and as soon as I shut the door, pulls up in the crib and stands there screaming until we go get him. He will only fall asleep with a bottle in his mouth in my or (preferably) Dave's arms.

Naps are also a struggle. I just discontinued nursing him to sleep in our bed for naps. He's too mobile to sleep there alone. He often fell asleep for naps in his crib with a bottle (at daycare and at home), but that too has come to an abrupt end.

Calling all parents... do you think any of these contribute to our sleeping problems:

• Transition from formula to cow's milk
• Transition out of daycare
• Transition from back to front car seat (I know - I'm desperate for some kind of reason!)
• Perhaps he's alway overly tired since it is such a struggle for him to fall asleep, so then a vicious cycle continues...
• Some kind of delayed separation anxiety phase?

When he was about 7 months, we let him cry it out a few nights and his sleep has been relatively good since then. WHY the sudden change?! Why, God, why?! I was hoping Dave and I would get to sleep through the night ALONE for at least a few months before H2 comes along in July. Those months are dwindling, as we are half way through the pregnancy already! Oh sweet rest, why do you abandon me?

Yes, I am dramatic. That's my life right now. Between a lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones, all I can do is miss the real me ... Otherwise, things are wonderful!

One thing that brightens my day (to illustrate how deranged I've become): when Haven poops, he grunts and sits in one position until he's done. Then he crawls over to me and climbs on me until I get up and change his diaper. It's pretty cute.

a vague little update

I had a particularly taxing day yesterday, on which I won't elaborate. Do you ever just feel stripped down, and then, a little bit nervous to look in the mirror?

I am reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, an uplifting book that has sent me with a pen and fury to my journal several times. It is so different than the assigned A Practitioner's Guide to Rational Emotive Therapy for my practicum class. This book began by explaining the philosophical base of the RET approach to counseling. The philosphy is that by subscribing completely to science and excluding all belief in God, there is hope for happiness. I clenched my jaw and plowed into the second chapted while chanting to myself, "This could help me understand how the other half thinks."

Back to the good stuff. My friend Rachel gave me the book Captivating for Christmas a few years ago. I started it a few times, but thought it wasn't my style. Too mushy or too much emphasis on gender roles. Somehow, it got my attention, or maybe God got my attention on this read. I pick it up tentatively; it is revealing.

In my life, I am learning something about God. A million things. I do not often talk about what I think God is teaching me while I'm in the process. I think I do this because I'm jaded. I've seen so many Christians tout around "God said..." and in time, it becomes clear it is not at all what God would say. It's easy to convince ourselves of things we want to be true. I like the Bible verse that talks about Mary treasuring the things God told her, silently. She just waited to see his promises unfold. I know there are times to shout it from the rooftops, I guess this is not a time like that for me. As vague as I am with these words, is almost as vague as whatever it is that God is trying to teach me. I think it is something about grace.

I will write soon all about Haven's wonderful birthday. My baby boy is one. You can see photos on our website www. the[insert our last name and add an s] dot com, or email me and I'll send you the link.