With five foster classes done, we've learned the importance of a child's connection with the biological family. We've learned skills to keep that connection even when a child enters foster care. I am reminded again of the great power of motherhood. It is power we are not entitled to, it just exists with the birth of a child. It is our privilege to be a parent and we fill a gap our child will always feel without us.
Motherhood is many things. It is work and exhaustion and too many days without a shower. Sometimes it is a gift someone dropped in the mud or forgot to wrap, but it is still, truly, a gift. I've had hard, add-a-wrinkle-to-my-forehead days but recently I've had beautiful moments with each of my children. These are the moments I think of when I say that I love being a mom.
Haven: When I tucked him in bed last night he talked to me about his book, he kissed my face many times, then as I left he watched me leave. I turned around and he was smiling at me.
Maiya: Yesterday she belted out: "our mom is an awesome mom" complete with hand motions.
Tristan: He had to "beep" (poop, for any non-Tristanese speakers among us). I asked if he wanted to sit on the toilet and when I perched his tiny hienie on the seat he threw his arms around my neck. We sat like that for a while, his arms clinging to me as he tried something new.These little moments are set between the bickering about who got a larger scoop of ice cream. They are interspersed around the frustration I feel when I hear my 2-year-old yell, "You mean!" when he does not get what he wants. They insulate me in the mayhem of dinner prep and late-afternoon meltdowns.
My life as a mom is a privilege. It is not simple or easy or laughing all day in the sunshine. The responsibility is profound but the ability to shoulder that responsibility even more so. There is so much that goes into my ability to sustain as a mom, and some of those things are outside of my control. The ability to enjoy the good moments and tolerate the bad ones takes an inner strength cultivated by the support of family and friends. My husband is loving and helpful and more than I could have predicted when I picked him out thirteen years ago. The education I chose prepared me cognitively for the task. I have an ongoing sense of hope because of my faith in God. I am blessed to (most days) have the physical and emotional resources to be the kind of mom I want to be.
I think of biological mothers who will some day know me as the woman who has custody of her child. I think of the support they might not have. I think of the deep loss of losing their child, even if only for a time.
Happy mother's day to the moms who have the resources to be the moms they want to be, and happy mother's day to the ones who don't. May we embrace our task. May we see these wild, beautiful creatures for the gifts they are and treat them as such.