Our Empathic Little Guy

We were out late. 8:30 pm. Haven was in the shopping cart and we were perusing Sport's Authority for free weights. While Dave calculated how expensive the number of pounds he can lift would be at $.99/pound, I watched Haven watch other shoppers. A distracted woman walked by and Haven bestowed upon her his toothy, attention-grabber grin. The one that grabs Dave or my attention anytime he does it.


The woman just walked by. Not a glance at The Cute One.


I watched Haven's face, and the grin faded as he watched the woman walk away. I wanted to grab him and tell him that I will always think he is an adorable, perfect miracle. Instead, I contained myself, and watched as he processed. More than how much I don't want him to feel rejection, I want him to be able to handle it when he does.


We are realizing that we've got a sensitive boy on our hands. The other day Dave and I were going back and forth about who came up with which of Haven's nicnames. I said I came up with Pumps, he said he first called him Pumpkin, which is where I got Pumps. We must have sounded pretty enthusiastic because Haven looked at both of us and broke into tears.


Our house is generally quiet and we change the TV channel if somebody is yelling or crying (as this has also caused him to cry). I think maybe this child loves him some peace.


Yesterday one of his little friends was at our house - she's weeks old - and Haven dropped a remote control right next to her. She was startled and began to cry. Haven cried too.


Today we were with another of his friends and she played in her exersaucer while Haven tore through their house inspecting anything he could get his hands on. Anyway, at one point she cried when her mommy left the room. My son's eyebrows furrowed and he reached out both of his arms and tried to hug her over the exersaucer. Then, when that didn't stop her tears, he cried with her.


I wonder if this co-crying will vanish with a couple of weeks of living with an infant. I imagine it will. I don't imagine that his sensitive nature will vanish, though.


I want to teach him to be proactive about his feelings and to think about other people. I want him to learn to think beyond the first things that come to mind. I would have loved to say to him the other night, "Why do you think that woman didn't acknowledge your cute face? Maybe she's very busy. What do you think she's busy doing?" Or about his friends, "It is very sad that your friend is sad, how can you help her?" I want to teach him to use that kind, gentle heart as it was created to be used.

Post Father's Day Thoughts

Haven loves Dave. I love to see it.

When Dave plays softball on Saturday afternoons, Haven cheers. Both teams can hear it. His cheer is a loud shriek: "Daaaaa!" Dave waves at him from the field and hi-fives him between innings.

I love sharing all of this with Dave. A lot of people love Haven, but nobody shares the obsession of every tiny milestone the child reaches like two parents. I love talking to Dave endlessly about our baby. We sometimes miss all of that alone time we used to have, but this season offers new bonding material, more of life to love together.

I think Dave has unique traits that make him an exceptional father. He's kind of like the scent of lavender; you can't help but relax when he's around. I hope that our kids inherit the peace that Dave eminates. I hope that they are as confident about the future and fun loving as he is. I hope that when they are older they realize the enormous gift Dave is to them from God.

I hope that Haven always laughs with Dave the way he does now. I pray that they are close

I guess that I say all of this to say one thing: I am thankful. This is what resonates within me. There is some chaos and I have fluctuating emotions, but the deep and lasting truth is that I am thankful.

Heat Wave

I am still waiting for a drive of energy to kick in, as is our cat, as you can see. I spend a lot of the day calculating how much longer I have to prepare for the baby. The heat has caused my energy level to plummet deeper than pregnancy could alone. I am so glad that I did not plan to go to Creation with Dave in a couple of weeks. I cannot imagine the torment that would be at 38 weeks pregnant. Janet, our boys and I will have a nice time sitting in the air-conditioned house or swimming at a lake.

Even Haven is cranky and he pins his sticky body around my sticky legs and lets out the motor-cry that only children can create. My friend, who doesn't have kids, said she's afraid if a child did that to her she would instinctively kick him off of her legs. This comment made me feel quite tolerant and confident that I unearthed my motherly instincts at some point.

Somebody please tell me why this pregnancy I look smaller, but feel infinitely more tired, worn, and older. Perhaps because I have been pregnant for 18 of the past 26 months?!

I think I will take a lesson from my sweet son. Yesterday I found him lying on the floor in the bathroom, studying a small toy - right in front of the coldest air conditioning vent in the house.

Summertime Fun

Memorial Day day relaxation, with two people I think are awesome - Janet & Haven.

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Premise: We have ultra limited closet space in our house.
Me: I wish I had somewhere to hang the baby's dresses. And space for a changing table.

Dave:

That's right, it's a changing table on top and a closet with bonus drawers on the bottom, designed, built and painted by own husband. Suweeet.

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This summer is Haven's first to enjoy the wonders of a playground.

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I've been busy ... surviving. You know, breathing. Eating. Waddling. Yesterday the doc informed me that her head is resting on my pelvic bone - don't worry, you'll be more comfortable once her head descends - awesome. I find it unfair that it is in the weeks leading to the most sleepless time of your life it is the most difficult to get to sleep. So, even lying down to rest has become a challenge. Yesterday, on the phone, somebody asked if that was me breathing so heavy. Of course it is, I just walked across the living room.

So far, our summer has been wonderful and I am settling in for one that I'm sure I'll remember as a favorite. We're going to meet our little girl and and a new baby means lots of friends and family around the house. We have a deck on which to have barbecues and playtime. Haven is big enough to do fun stuff, like splash in the baby pool and eat Popsicles.

I know it's gonna be good. Stay tuned.