I try to remember all of things that I can do well. I was overcome by with a sense of nostalgia when I received the latest newsletter from my former employer. I didn't even like that job for the last two of the five years I worked there. Yet, I missed it for a few moments.I just read a short memoir called Not Becoming My Mother. The author wrote that many mothers during the 40's and 50's felt like they were wasting their brains and talents sitting at home. Some days I can relate to that so well. Except that I don't sit at home. I'm on my feet, or my hands and knees, almost always. Though, by the end of the day, the living room and kitchen look like I've been sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating all day. I tell Dave that this is how I spend the day when he asks what happened that I could not complete something I'd planned to do. Maybe that's what I missed about my job - the way I could tear through my to-do list before lunch.
These little happy faces are what I'm good at right now. It's just that there is no way to quantify my success. Even when Haven listens or quickly stops a tantrum, I automatically think it is due to his phlegmatic personality more than my parenting skills. Who's to know?
Anyway, this is not the time in my life when I shine, I guess. I'm backstage. Most days I handle that graciously, I hope. Other days I want to see a report card with my name on it and straight-A's emblazoned down the side.
Back to my original thought - focusing on what I'm good at doing. It isn't anything that has to do with being a homemaker or housewife or any of the images that come to your mind when you hear those terms.
I have accumulated an interesting skill set, though. Let's see ... I can nurse Maiya and change Haven's diaper at the same time. I can nurse Maiya in the car while we're both still in our seat belts (while Dave is driving, I might add, I don't Brittany-Spears it). I can carry on a ten minute conversation with a person whose vocabulary consists primarily of animal sounds, single-syllable words and the identification of the letter W. I can fold a basket of laundry amongst the destructive efforts of not one but two kids. I can keep track of how long a sippy cup has been sitting on the (you name it) and what is inside said sippy cup and if it is safe for the tiny crawler approaching it. These are significant skills. I say they're resume-worthy.
7 comments:
those skills are absolutely amazing and hands-on--I mean, you can't be taught that in school, right?
really cute pics--your kids are beautiful.
I know how you feel. It hits me when I get an alumni newsletter from my high school or college. It always says, "This alumni started an organization that is changing the world in this way!" or "This alumni just discovered a cure for cancer!" or something else equally as noteworthy. :) I still haven't found the section for stay-at-home moms where we get recognized for "just" being faithful caregivers, wives, mothers, etc.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but I do wonder how "they" do it: those women who seem able to have a family and still make an incredible, attention-getting contribution to the wellbeing of the world!!
"There is no greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend"
This is what being a parent is all about.
You can waste your life trying to change the world. You can work hard to further your cause, whatever it is, and sacrifice deeply. In the end, you will find that the world does not want to be changed.
Or, you can spend your time on something worthwhile like your kids. Your kids really do want your input, at least when they are very young. They really do need you, and for the first 11 years or so, they will let you know that they appreciate you in ways you cannot imagine. This is rewarding work, and anyone who compares such an important venture to the mundane tasks of making money, gaining political power, or being famous just does not know the first thing about life.
You will put yourself on the back burner for about 20 years, depending on how many kids you have. At the end of it, you will look back and you will realize that you changed, grew, and got more out of it than you ever gave, and it was worth it beyond words. There is nothing in the academic, commercial or political world that can begin to compare to the rewards of raising kids.
Jen, it does make me happy that you have realized this and chosen the better path.
Your dad said it all and it's true, there is nothing more important in life than raising your kids. You grow with them and learn things you didn't think were possible. It is very worthwhile!
YUP! I report card would be nice sometimes, just even for a fair evaluation or a little feedback.
Your kids are beautiful! As they grow a little older you'll have more time for other accomplishments, but it's obvious in your love for your beauties that the "Mommy job" will always be your top priority, just after the wifey job anyway (haha).
Props on your skills, Jen. I am so NOT a multi-tasker, which makes dealing with three kids this young totally nuts. I have never been known to nurse and do anything else, except maybe read or play tetris on my ipod! Parenting sure does take over, but this season is short, and it's obvious that you are making the most of it!
i love these pictures of maiya and haven and was impressed with your skills before even hearing about the extreme nursing ones.
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