Wednesday, October 31, 2007

home!

We closed on our house yesterday! It's official - we own a home! The things I remember of closing are the lawyer telling us, "When you're done paying for this house, your son will be about 31." and when he handed us the land survey he said, "This is what you just bought."

Afterwards, we drove over and room by room, decided where to put everything.

Monday, October 29, 2007

You can take my tylenol, you can take my cough syrup, but you won't take my bumbo!

What is with all of the recalls on baby stuff lately? If they all stem from the same reason as the Bumbo recall, somebody needs to initiate a parent recall.

First of all, the Bumbo is this genius little seat from Australia that came out a couple of years ago. It helps infants learn to sit up, it gives them an upright place to play and takes up very little space. Janet gave one to us when Haven was about 4 weeks old and he's always liked it, which means I like it.

There is now a voluntary recall on the product because - my fury is building - parents place their children in the seat on a table top and walk away. The kid doesn't have to be too big to be able to get out of the seat and 28 children have suffered head and neck injuries from falling off of the table. Dave's mom called me the other day to tell me about the recall and after a quick internet search I realized we'd be okay to keep it since I don't let Haven play alone (or at all...) on top of the table.


Here is more info.
Here is a funny commentary about the recall.

Friday, October 26, 2007

coming home.

I come home after my internship at the counseling center. I'm tired. I've done one individual session and two group sessions for addicts. 95% of the people I spent the evening with are only trying to satisfy the system and are not interested in recovery. I'm convinced that I will neither do drugs myself nor specialize in addictions counseling.

I walk up the stairs to our apartment and drop my bag in the hall. Four guys are huddled in our living room, gripping Xbox controllers and yelling at the television screen. I kiss the one I love most and say hi to the rest. The living room is strewn with bottles and paper plates. Dave tells me they saved me some pizza. I check on Haven, who is asleep with his own bottle lying half empty by his hand. I think about how loud the guys are and wonder how this little guys sleeps.

I change my clothes, clean up the kitchen and toast a slice. I grab my latest Donald Miller book, a beer, and curl up on the papasan in the living room. I try to push Velvet Elvis on Kevin and he says he only reads novels. I offer it to Manny and he says he'll take it, though I'm sure I will find it forgotten under his coffee table in a few weeks. I ask Joey if he likes video games, and he admits he only plays them at our house.

The television screen is sliced into quads and they are shouting commands to each other in a videogamease dialect that I do not speak. I read the same paragraph five times between mouthfuls of pizza, and finally close the book. I think about how we still sort of live like college students. I wonder if it will always feel like this.

The day was long and draining. Thursdays are days that I realize how good we have it. Manny asks me if I like the beer - he is teaching me about the types of beer and the one I'm drinking has a lot of hops. Yeah, I like it.

The guys eventually leave and Dave and I prop our eyelids open long enough to watch The Office. I tell him about my night and how frustrating addictions counseling is. I think about the 12 Steps and how those people who recognize that recovery is a daily journey are the most successful. I think this concept is applicable to areas other than addiction. Our recovery from our natural tendencies is a daily process; a constant decision. Kindness, selflessness, empathy.

I put myself to bed to stop thinking. I look forward to Friday. Haven and I will be home with little to do beyond playing and eating. I focus on the simple things and drift off to sleep.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Velvet Elvis

In the words of my friend Kevin, Rob Bell "sums up my entire Christian faith in a few words." I've been thinking about the church and the various denominations and beliefs. While one church is staring at the sky awaiting the rapture another is casting demons of anybody with an attitude problem and still another is overly rigid in their routine. They all call themselves Christians. Yet, they are unfamiliar to me.

Velvet Elvis is a book about pure Christianity. Original Christianity, perhaps. I don't know what else to call it. It is about the life Jesus lived on earth. He talks about the culture of Jewish people at the time Jesus lived in it, and the explanations cast new lights on many familiar stories. He writes about the ways the church has misinterpreted Jesus throughout history. The book is both easy to read and thought provoking.

Our small group is going through a series of short films with Rob Bell called Nooma. He talks about Jesus as a real person. When the film ends, my thoughts are, "Yeah, that's the God I know. That is exactly why I'm a Christian." He talks about the things God is all about: truth, justice, love, compassion.

I recommend this book - as well as the video series - to anyone who is interested in learning more about the character of Jesus.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

about school.

I love school. Shamelessly. I've mentioned this before, but I don't want you to forget.

I especially love professors who love school.

The class I am in this semester is a companion to my internship at the counseling center. We share cases, review our treatment ideas and ask questions. My professor is a wealth of knowledge, and I know she's not getting wealthy teaching our class. Still, she's invested, she plans in advance and she listens to us like our concerns matter - these are things that probably make her an excellent therapist as well.

I appreciate her expertise because I have had more than my share of careless professors. I actually once had a professor who would stand by the window until he saw his boss leave for the night, and then imediately let us out of class. I know, a lot of kids would love this. It infuriated me. What a waste of my time.

A good class to me is like a pool in which I can swim as deep as I wish. I love how much knowledge is available. I love it. I love to ask a question and get a real answer. I love when people know stuff that I don't know. So please, tell me stuff.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Time Capsule

I want to put a time capsule in my brain of right now. I want to remember all of this in years to come. I'm so happy. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life. Except maybe on my honeymoon, which also eminated an I-had-no-idea-I-could-be-so-happy feeling.

I'm stressed too, of course. I have issues I'm trying to work out about myself (so do you, don't deny it). But daily there are moments that I am stunned by all of this magic.

When Haven is at daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go see him at lunch time. I find him sitting contentedly on the floor with a simple toy in front of him. I stand in front of him and call his name. He looks up and his face illuminates. Magic.

When we are driving in the car on another long drive to see our friends or our family, we finish a long conversation about work or life and Damien Rice comes up on the Ipod and Dave reaches for my hand and our hands fit together like two halves. Magic.

When I sit with my client after many sessions and she cries and talks and nods and takes small steps. She breaths. She says thank you. Magic.

When I ramble to Jesus while I'm driving the car about all of the frustration and confusion in my mind and I know He hears me. Comforts me. Makes sense of me. Magic.

When Danna and I sit in the cafe at Borders with our steaming drinks and emotional chatter and in a matter of moments it disolves to laughter. Magic.

When Jes calls me on her birthday to tell me to turn on the news because she is famous. Her school is reviewed and the children sing its praises and she comes on the screen with a smile and looks strong and happy and revolutionary. Magic.

When I walk home from the bakery with cookies for Dave and Haven is in his stroller and I think about how the house is clean, and I know what I'm going to make for dinner, and I'm mostly caught up on things and I realize that having control of all of that is not happiness, but having people with whom to share love is the ultimate joy. Magic.

This, with millions of other moments, would be my time capsule. I would take it out in years to come, when Haven is older and I am older and life is both simpler and more complex. I would see then, God was right, when He made this world, it was good.

Monday, October 15, 2007

I Like Me Because...

Our church meets in a cute elementary school decorated by art projects. It's the kind of place you see and realize you did, in fact, like school at one point. We meet in the cafeteria and Sunday school classes take place in the classrooms.

Haven still coughs like an old man who has smoked all of his life (the doctor said it would hang on for a couple of weeks...), so I kept him out of the nursery. We sat in the service until he would not be silenced by the finger foods I offered. We began what has become our Sunday morning ritual: wandering the halls.

Along two stretches of the main hall were paper plates cut into the shape of hearts. On the top, each said, "I like me because..." and the child wrote the reason in the middle of the plate. Most of the children wrote things like, "I'm a good swimmer" or "I help people" or "I get good grades." Then, I saw one little girl wrote, "I'm loveable."

I wondered what I would have written on my own plate. I'm a good mom, I'm in college, people like me (usually), I'm a good friend ... what's your answer? So often we feel good about ourselves based on what we do or what other people think of us. Isn't God's love based on one simple thing: I am loveable. Just the way I am.

I'm learning about that kind of grace. It slows me down. It whispers in my ear to stop the rat race of people pleasing. It is hot tea on these Fall days. It is enduring and strong. It is seeing God more clearly and knowing Him better. It strips me of my pretenses and releases me to be.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Mom's Club Evaluation.

I have no friends with babies. I've complained about this before, I know. I have some friends with babies, but none who lives within a 3 hour drive from my house. I have one pregnant friend close by and one who might get pregnant within a year. So there is hope that I will not always feel like the only mom under 40 in New Jersey.

Anyway, this morning I set out to make some mommy friends. Haven and I went to the Mom's Club. I made a mental note to not tell anybody that Haven goes to daycare part time, lest they ban him (me!) for the germs.

Haven sat on the rug and played. A little girl grabbed his toys from him and dangled them over his head. He was pissed at first, then entertained. He reached for another baby's juice, nodded at a fellow pre-crawler and was overloaded by the time we left. I eyed the women in the room as if we were at a bar and I was looking for a date. Let's face it, I was looking for a date. Many dates. Let's see ... Too talkative. Too weird. Too proud of her average child. Too insecure. Too obsessed with Mom's Club. Hm ... she looks normal to me ... One mama had a baby a little bit younger than Haven. She couldn't have been 30. He hair was imperfect and she smiled just enough. She asked a few questions, she left quickly when it was over. Good. Confident, not too needy but aware of her need for friends. Perfect. I'll get her number next time.

I try to surround myself with people I would be happy to resemble. I guess I'm picky when it comes to friends, but this is a lesson I've learned the hard way. One of my friends said it well: as you get older, friendship is usually more about quality than quantity. So, I'm looking for one good friend to call when Haven just won't take a nap and I need somebody to look me in the eye and tell me I'm doing the right thing with him. Somebody to have over for lunch to talk shop. I hope it happens.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Birthday. Moving. Sugar.

My 27th birthday was a fun day spent with Jes and Haven. We went shopping, had bagels and water ice. Dave brought me flowers and I'll go pick up my gift when I have a chance (we picked out our own this year). I felt loved and secure and happy.

It was a great day and another is coming quickly! Moving day. We still say, "We think we're moving." When do you know for sure? Anyone? I'm thinking we won't know for sure until closing. So far everything is in place for us to close next week and move by the end of the month. Today I decided I better start packing.

Crap. We have more than I thought. I've already filled 8 boxes and only cleared off one book shelf, the media shelf and part of the linen closet. When did we buy all of this junk and would I miss it if I dropped it off at the Salvation Army instead of our new house?

In the sugar news ... I have begun my sugar-and-fried-stuff fast. I planned to start yesterday, until a coworker brought rice krispie treats as a birthday surprise. When I told Dave he said, "You failed already?" No, I extended my birthday celebration. Today I am sugar free, as I will be for the next 30 days. Just to clarify, I am still eating fruit, though I know it contains small amounts of natural sugar. It may be irrelevant, but I will also continue to eat bread and cheese, without which I would feel I was not truly living. Both Christin and Jennifer (Nickernoodle) are in on this with me, in their own ways! Thanks for the support!

Friday, October 05, 2007

Things I'm Happy About

  • "I think we have a house." Dave said to me the other day. Yes, I think we do.

  • Haven is feeling better...after one more trip to the doctor's office yesterday to learn the latest rash is a reaction to the ear infection medication, he had a good night's sleep and, right now, is his happy self again.

  • Our friends Janet and Andy have officially started the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia! A new baby is coming!

  • Decorating Haven's room will be so fun. He finally will have his own room without a computer and office stuff in it. I think I'm going to do a forrest theme. Won't that be perfect in a log cabin? The photo is his room. What color carpet should I pick?

  • I finally have time to do laundry and cook dinner and vacume! I love being home 3 days a week!

  • The shows Dave and I love are back on for the Fall and these have started off great: Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy, The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
  • I'm learning. So many things ... about myself, grace, thought processes, people. I think I'll write about it soon, but it might be the kind of stuff that's phenominal to me simply because of all of the pieces of my life at this point. Might not be ground breaking to anyone else.

  • I've got tons of good reading around me. I'm almost done Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and have two more books I'm excited about waiting on the book shelf.

  • My birthday is on Monday and I will be 27. Ten wonderful years ago my 17th birthday was so fun. It was at Lindsay's house and Collin, Pat, Jes, Shantra, Josh and I had an ice cream cake fight in the back yard. (remember Linds? Jes?) I think age 27 will be full of just as many fun, fun memories.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Oreos and French Fries. Baby, bye bye.

As Haven is able to eat more foods, I scrutinize my own diet to see what I am teaching him. I collapsed on the futon after work yesterday with a tired Haven nursing in my lap and a package of Oreos. I flipped on a Tivo'd 30 Minute Meals and soothed my hunger with half a row of cookies. I may give Haven a healthy diet of organic fruits and veggies now, but it is only a matter of time before he's sitting on the couch before dinner, gorging himself with Oreos?

I've decided that I am going to challenge myself with a little goal. No sugar or fried food for one month. I tried to get Dave in on it, but he said he'll only do it if I make it for one month. He's sure he will never have to. I'm sure he will. This will be a great exercise in self control for me and I'm sure it won't hurt my waistline. I plan to start October 9 (purposefully, the day after my birthday). So ...

Does anybody want in?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Day One as Superwoman.

So, it turns out this at-home mommy thing is a lo-ot of work. It also turns out that I'm not superwoman. It took about three hours for me to discover that one. Bummer. Being a super hero would make life so much easier when I'm grocery shopping with an 8-month-old who will not settle for anything less than being held. I could have used a third arm this morning. Or the ability to move things with my mind. Or clone myself.

Today I refer you to Dave's blog, where he's holding a contest. Prizes included!

See you when my super powers begin. Or when Haven is less clingy.