Friday, September 28, 2007

a little introspection

I am earning my money this week. I've been training my replacement; a very cheerful, optimistic woman who comes early and stays late. She makes lists of questions for me. (Turns out I know more than I thought.) My clients will be in good - non-burnt-out - hands. After her interview, my boss told me about how hopeful and happy this woman is, I simply said, "Give her time." My boss didn't think that was too funny. But it was.

I sometimes wonder what this job has done to me. Watching people go through a social service system is taxing. Interacting with underpaid, underqualified staff (from other agencies, of course) is frustrating. It is impossible to maintain a "reach for the stars" mentality when your job is to determine a person's vocational potential. I know I was not this practical four years ago when I stumbled off my college campus into this job. I thought the world of the world. I was confident I could improve society.

I still love my internship and I think marriage and family counseling is more my forte than is rehabilitation counseling. I would love to work in a Christian counseling center and eventually open my own practice.

I guess career is on my mind. As I cut down my hours at work, and eventually eliminate them, I am reminded of things I do like about human services. The key is to do what you can. No, it's to do what you are supposed to do. What you are meant to do. What has God has called you to do with your days? I've come to the conclusion that every profession is a helping profession. Every piece of our lives is a outlet to show love, forgiveness, peace. I want to remember that throughout my career as a counselor, as a mother, as a person.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Super

Haven turned red and was immediately covered in sweat when I put him in his crib. He screamed, kicked off the blanket and abandoned Dangles. Unsure if he was tired enough for a nap yet, I decided I would get him in ten minutes if he was still enraged. Several minutes later the crying ceased and he is sprawled out in his crib, reveling in dreams. The angrier he is when I put him in bed, the faster he falls asleep.

This will be my last four-day work week. My last day was scheduled to be Friday, but my boss asked if I would continue working 2 days a week while a coworker is on maternity leave. I asked for a small raise and agreed to stay. As of next week, I will work only Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have all sorts of illusions that my apartment will always be spotless, dinner will be fresh and healthy every night. I will research the latest treatments for my clients and implement them seamlessly. Haven and I will spend our days taking in the sunshine and attending play groups. Next week, I become Super Woman. Stay tuned.

I love Valerie's idea of planning the menu for the week on Monday. I think I might do a theme ("Like a cafeteria?" Dave asked) menu. This will help me wade through my cookbooks. For example, Fish Monday, Crock Pot Tuesday, Around the World Wednesday, Leftover Thursday. I can't decide about Friday. I'm just excited about next week, when I will be able to solve this one easily. When I become Super Woman.

I think Haven is awake. He takes micro naps in the morning. About twenty minutes. I leave you with this picture of Haven in a super cute shirt Marcia sent from Holland (thanks Marsh!).



Monday, September 24, 2007

Keen's

For the past four or five years we have called together our friends and planted ourselves at Outback Steakhouse for a few hours to celebrate Dave's birthday. It has always been fun. It has always satisfied Dave's appetite for steak on his birthday.

During the course of this year, however, Dave brought his steak passion to a new level. He went to New York's Keen's Steakhouse during a business meeting a few months ago. He will still eat at Outback (don't do me any favors), but after eating at Keen's, he is spoiled for what we have considered good steak. Keen's is a very old, very fancypants steakhouse in the city. He returned a couple of times with his boss and coworkers after they did some business in town.

I'm lucky if my boss brings mini muffins to work. But that's a different story.

Keen's makes aged steak. Apparently aging steak is a process that enhances the flavor. Our friends were ecstatic. My friend Danna starved herself all day so that she could pack in as much long-gone cow as possible. I don't like steak and used to be a vegetarian, but even I thought the flavor was remarkable. Since I don't enjoy the texture of steak, I had lobster instead, which was divine. I've only had lobster two other times and it was as delicious as the time I had it at a clam bake on Long Island.
The table was full of steak lovers and the table was full of steak. So many dead cows. Maybe that's why I don't like steak - it's so obvious that it is a slab of flesh. I had to have the lobster's head taken from my plate in order to indulge. I'd rather avoid what's really going on when I eat meat.

The meal was truly decadent. Everything was delicious from the wine, to the hollindaise sauce for the asparagus to the potatoes to the service. Remarkable.

Danna and I attacked a dark chocolate mousse. We opted to share one since were so full, but we scarfed that sucker down so fast the waiter laughed. I dared her ask the waiter to give her a doggie bag for the bone from her steak so she could make soup, but instead we just laughed until we cried.

We had dropped Haven at Jes's before dinner. He had a great time getting strolled around the city and chilling out in a tea shop. (Jes has started her own blog and it is hysterical in comedic proportions, by the way.)

I remembered why we love living around here. It is great to be so close to New York. It is great to be so close to Jes. It is great to have friends to celebrate with us. It is great to experience distinctly new things.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Happy Birthday, Dave!

Dave is 29 years old, as of Wednesday. He was about 19 when we met for the very first time.

My sister, Jessica, had moved to northern Jersey to attend a school similar to YWAM's Discipleship Training School, hosted by a church in the area. For her birthday, Lindsay and I drove the three hours to surprise her. We borrowed Merry's - Lindsay's sister - car, the little Festiva. She made us clean it in order to borrow it, as any smart older sister would. (Actually, at the last minute, Lindsay's mom let us borrow her car, so Merry got a clean car for nothing. Lucky.) So, Linds and I hit the highway. Jes was so excited to see us she started writhing on the floor. But, more about that another time. This story is about Dave for Dave's birthday.

I remember the first time I saw him. I watched him. I thought he was cute. Intriguing. Friendly. He was in school with Jes. He video taped Jes, Linds and I in a birthday cake eating contest and you can hear him laughing behind the camera. Yes, his first impression of me was based on my on how fast I could shove cake into my mouth. This boded well for our future.

Ten years have passed since then. It was another three years before it hit us that we were perfect for each other and four more before Dave asked me to marry him and two more before we brought a mini-us into the world. It has certainly been a full ten years. For a list of things I love, love love about my husband click here http://iwillwalkwithyou.blogspot.com/2007/06/how-do-i-love.html.

Happy Birthday, Love!
May this last year in your twenties (!) be full of joy.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Pediatrician. Speed Dial 1.

Haven is sick.

Again? You say.

No. Still.

We should get some kind of frequent visitor card at the doctor's office. Maybe we could get a free copay. Or an invite to Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm not a panicky Mom. I don't run to the doctor's office with every sneeze. In the past month, though, we've been there for a rash, pink eye and now ... a bad cough. Last week's pink eye has progressed into two infected ears and "viral" pnemonia. You have got to be kidding me.

He's napping now (fell asleep by himself! I can hardly believe this whole thing is working!!). When he wakes up we'll walk down to the pharmacy and get his medicine.

On a happier note, I thought this video was too great not to share. It comes via my friend Janet.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

pictures.




Little house in the Big Woods.







A view of the living room from the stairs.











The stairs to the loft bedroom.




Counter space!!!!









Dave in the dining room ... trying to remember if any of our friends are taller than he is.







There are lots more pictures ... but it took me ages to poorly format these. So. In the interest of time ... that's all for now.

househunt update.

We are in the throws of buying our first home. Last night was the inspection, which I was dreading with bated breath. I took about a thousand pictures of every nook of the house. When it was over, I thought it went well. Dave informed me it did not. I obviously was giving more thought to complimentary paint and carpet choices for Haven's room than to the weak well pump and flu-less chimney. Good thing Dave was there.

The next few days will be full of research and negotiating. I look forward to it ending. I just want to know. I just want to start packing boxing and picking paint colors. And installing a dishwasher. Or, please no, start looking again.

I like this house a lot. It is an old log cabin. It has so much character. It has a large deck. It has a stone fireplace. It has a loft bedroom with a walk-in closet for Dave and me. It is so homey. I hope we get it. I'm way past not getting excited.

(Photos to come.)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Thanks for the input!

Last week I asked what other parents did to help their children fall asleep independently. It was supremely helpful mostly because it was great to know that we are not the only parents who are struggling.

Despite my curiosity as to what other parents found to work, I wasn't ready to do much. Mostly because I decided my only recourse was letting Haven cry it out. At Christin's suggestion, I did start to bring a stuffed monkey to hang out with us while I nursed Haven to sleep. I sort of forced the thing on him and he was not too interested.

However, after several hour-plus go-to-bed sessions I decided I was ready for some alone time with Dave and a semblance of a nigh time routine for Haven. I decided I was ready. To let Haven cry.

We have let him cry before. Once for an entire hour. After that, I thought that crying led to sleep as a rainbow leads to a pot of gold. We started Saturday's cry session with a let's-see-what-happens mentality. Davene, your quote of the verse that says, "No discipline is pleasant in the moment..." played over and over in my mind.

Dave and I were cleaning out the attic. Don't worry. We didn't miss out on any of the heart-wrenching sobs permeating our apartment. We just got to do two fun things at once: sort through our junk and listen to our little guy scream.

It took us about an hour to get through half of the attic (in our defense, it's a huge walk-up attic). Dave left to take a carload of crap to the Salvation Army and I planned to go rescue Haven from his misery. Just as I approached his door the sobbing started to dwindle. A few silent seconds passed, then more crying erupted. I thought maybe, just maybe, this child is getting tired. He cried intermittently for another half hour while I sat stiff as a board listening from the living room. By the time Dave got home, Haven was just about asleep.

Once sweet silence entered the apartment, I crept into Haven's room. He was pushed all the way to the corner of the crib, his head nestled there. His blanket was balled up in anger. The "comfort" monkey was upside down in mockery. But sleep. There was independent sleep.

Sunday night I started a little ritual. A few books. Nursing. Diaper change. Pajamas. Pray. Here's the monkey, oh, you don't care, here he is anyway. Good night. He only cried for twenty minutes and then I found him asleep, with the monkey, whom we call Dangles by the way, peacefully next to him.

Here's hoping this is the beginning of a smooth transition to a big boy bedtime routine.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Bath Time



"Trying to look at you, Mom, but. can't. take. eyes. off bubble."

Friday, September 14, 2007

What's that you said?

I put Haven on our bed in a sitting position and walked over to the closet.

"Jen, he's too close to the edge!" Dave was diving toward Haven to encircle him in pillows.

I glanced over my shoulder, furrowed my eyerows and said, "You're right."

Posed with a lengthy explanation of why Haven should not be placed on the bed so haphazardly, Dave's face suddenly dropped with no reason to say it. Whatdidyoujustsay? I had to say it a couple of times before his expression changed from sheer shock.

I turned back to the closet and smiled. I'm thinking my own husband should not be speechless when I tell him he's right.

I was looking for funny marriage quotes and found this: If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him... is he still wrong? This isn't really funny. Well, it is, to the typical view of marriage in our culture. But seriously. Who wants the typical marriage offered by a culture with a 50/50 chance of getting divorced? I certainly don't.

In a lot of the church there is one Bible verse people always quote about marriage - the one about women submitting to their husbands. By leaving out the preceding verse (Eph 5:21), they suggest that men are always right.

Dave and I are of the conviction that submission is a natural thing that occurs in a healthy marriage and it is not a forced, do-what-I-say kind of thing. Submission, in the original language, has more of a caretaking meaning than the obedient I-know-nothing-you-know-everything meaning commonly attached to it. This is our interpretation. I'm not saying we've got the corner on it, nor do I wish to start a discussion on women submitting to their husbands. All this to say...

When we were planning our marriage ceremony, we told our friend Jim we wanted to do some of our own vows and use some of the traditional vows. Jim is aware of our beliefs about roles in marriage, however, when he was saying the vows for me to repeat, I found myself saying, "I will obey you in everything." He simply forgot to remove this part from the traditional vows and he jokes that Dave slipped him a twenty to put that line in my vows. Dave reminds me of it at key times. Like when he wants to order pizza for dinner.

Anyway, my point is well summed up by Zig Zigler, "Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. " Sometimes Dave is right and sometimes I'm right. Most often, though, we both have a little bit of rightness and we just need to put it together. Hopefully I can get that message across to Dave, so that next time I tell him You're Right he isn't speechless.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

put on another pot of coffee.

Pink eye for Haven has turned into a cold for Haven and puffy eyes for me. No sleep. Up all night. Working all day and at internship tonight.

How 'bout signing my map guest book? I stole this idea from Christin, as I have no creative energy today. You can find the map guest book to the right or in picture form at the bottom of the page.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Haven's First Camping Trip

Pre-pink eye, we went camping. Saturday night we met our friends, Collin, Linds, Mike and Merry in Pennsylvania for some camping fun. Here are some pictures...






Naturally, Haven and I were awake hours before everyone else. So we went for a little walk...








Here is Haven in his carrier. Hm ... I'm just noticing his squinty eye. Is that the beginning of the pink eye!!!?





Taking a nap in the tent.












This bib sums it up. It's all about me. As the only baby on the trip, he flirted and batted his eye lashes into everyone's heart. He's with Merry in this picture (hi mer!).

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

On second thought, maybe those paranoid moms are onto something...

I have scoffed at the moms who use these things. Silently. But still. What's next? Enclosing your child in a plastic bubble where he or she can live in a private ecosystem?

Haven can now sit in a shopping cart. What a great convenience! No more heavy car seat to heft out of the car and onto the shopping cart. No more standing on my tip toes to see over the car seat - shopping cart apparatus, narrowly avoiding collisions. With his new sitting skills, it's just a matter of swinging the little guy out of his car seat and into the shopping cart.

Haven is in the phase of tasting everything. This includes shopping carts. At the grocery store this weekend, Dave and I did all we could to keep his mouth off of the bar, maintaining at least one of our own fists over the bar at all times. To no avail. Haven has pink eye.

I could chalk this up to daycare and give all those babies the evil eye (no pun intended) for infecting my baby. But ... a thirty-minute spree in a shopping cart and a crust-covered eye two days later. I'm thinking a thanks to the grocery store is in order.
So, I just might join the ranks of those germ-freak moms. Those of you who already use a shopping cart cover, please don't be offended by all the names I've called you. You probably aren't sitting home hoping you don't catch pink eye from your 7-month old baby.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Before it ends up in the recycling box...

We receive soliciations for donations almost every day. Somehow we got on a mailing list of people who donated to a charity and thus the word spread. Most of the time, honestly, I throw the mailings away. We simply don't have enough to give to every charity in the world without becoming a charity case ourselves. There are some, however, that catch my eye. Justice for Children International is one of them.

This agency "works toward the abolition of child sex trafficking and exploitation through aftercare, prevention and advocacy" (jfci.org). Sexual abuse of children is one thing that is taboo around the globe. I don't believe there is a single culture where it is condoned. However, in the sub-culture of human trafficking it is very much in existence and people are making millions on it. It more than disgusts me, it makes me want to take action.

The Lifetime channel showed a film, Human Trafficking, in the last couple of years. If you're interested you might be able to find it through the search function on Tivo or at Blockbuster. It was a 2-part series and since it was made-for-tv it's not extremely graphic. (It lacks the cheesey element typically offered by the Lifetime channel too.) Also, for those of you I know from DTS, Lamont - our worship leader - is a co-founder of the ministry.

I'll say more about this as I figure out why I'm so drawn to this particular issue. (God, is that you?) For now, though, there is plenty of reading on their website. http://www.jfci.org/

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

a solicitation for advice...

I've got to know what other parents are doing. For sleep. Not your own sleep, of course (because, what's that?), but your baby's sleep.

Haven is a good sleeper, I think. It's getting him to sleep that is quite a bit of work. Well, for me it's as easy as lifting up my shirt, but when Dave wants to put him to bed he's in for a lot of bouncing, rocking, humming, singing, swinging or a combination thereof. Also, I have to face it; as cuddly and easy as it is, nursing Haven to sleep is not a realistic long-term bedtime routine.

In the most dire situation, there is always the no-fail go-for-a-drive bedtime routine. We have only used this once so far.

I have one friend who let her kids cry it out around 7 months old. Since then, they've essentially put themselves to bed. I'd love for Haven to put himself to bed, but listening to him cry for several hours sounds torturous to me. To this, my friend said of course it is torturous, but ultimately worth it.

I have two friends who successfully used the Baby Wise method (this includes a relatively strict schedule for eating and sleeping from infancy). Initially I thought this was too structured a method for me, but I wish I were reaping its rewards now.

Currently, after our charade of putting Haven to bed when he seems ready some time between 7 and 10 PM, he sleeps until about 3:00 AM. He then cries and I bring him into our bed for the remainder of the night. I'm not complaining and neither is Dave, but sometime between now and when Haven is older we'd like him to go to sleep semi-independently and sleep through the night. The question is how to get from here to there.

I'd love to hear what other parents have found to work.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

my words exactly, don.

I'm still reading this book, but I have to recommend it now. Because you need to read it now. If you can't see the subtitle, it is Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality. You know how it feels to spend time with people you know are super healthy and a great influence? Reading this book is like that. It's like curling your hands around a mug of coffee and nodding as your eccentric friend tells you what they've been thinking lately. It feels good and feels like a challenge.

Don Miller writes about the way Christians have messed up the name of Jesus and ways we can start to mend that. He talks about his own walk through Christianity. He candidly explains the ups and downs in the development of his own relationship with Jesus. He is very open and vulnerable, but what I like even more, is that he does not act like he came up with the answers himself. It is all turned back to God. It's like, God is good. We're the ones that often misundertand him and reflect him poorly.

My favorite story so far, is when he and his friends set up a "Confession Booth" in the middle of a massive campus-wide college party weekend. When people came to the confession booth, Don and his friends confessed the ways they themselves had failed to show the love of Jesus and the truth about God. They apologized for distorting the image of Jesus. They became humble, while many times we as Christians arrogantly inform people we have the truth. To whom would you be more attracted? I'd listen to the humble guy.

If you're up for a heart warming and challenging book, go buy:


Blue Like Jazz
by Don Miller

Monday, September 03, 2007

Hip, Hip, Hooray!!

I've been slacking with this blog for the past couple of weeks, with good reason. We were in Florida, as per the previous post, and this week I was busy with my Mom and sisters visiting and then our Labor day bash. So. Good morning. I have a few moments before our tyke wakes from his nap.

The past few months have been stressful, as I have made abundantly clear. Hopefully everyone has pitied me profusely. The combination of school, work, motherhood, and being a person is too much for me (even though I am Super Woman). One day, I met Dave's glance over a mound of abandoned laundry on our unmade bed. He was trying to put Haven to sleep and I was changing from work clothes to school clothes. I said, "I can't do this anymore. This is way too much." Realizing my limitations was important, I think.

After a series of blessings -- I don't often use that word, the overuse of it has made it kind of cheesy, but if a blessing is a gift that could only have come from God, then that is precisely what I'm talking about -- I am able to quit my job. I gave my notice last week and will wrap up my 4-year tenure on September 28. It's quite surreal. I am going to be home during the day with Haven while I finish graduate school this year - this is what I prayed for the day I went back to work after my maternity leave. It was one of those, "Um ... God? If I could do anything it would be ... but I'm flexible." prayers. Along came 4 subsequent months of doing everything half as well as I wanted to. Then, finally, I realized something had to change. It's when I changed my prayer to "God, please, I can't take it anymore..." things changed. Sometimes I think a little faith is important.

I'm so excited. I'm looking forward to this year. I look forward to thriving at my internship with time to study and research. I look forward to having time to play with Haven. I look forward to not being at my max-stress-level every time I'm with Dave. This will be good.