Two Kids.

"I've pretty much lost control of my life." I hear myself telling my friend, "But it's good."

The thing about losing control is the realization that I never had it in the first place. I just had time to maintain a nice dellusion.

Both of my children are asleep, which I hope becomes more regular in the weeks to come. During the day, when it's just me at home, they like to do relay naps. Thanks, guys, no, I don't need a moment to myself.

I remember the realization hit me like a backhand slap when Haven was an infant - motherhood is a sacrifice. It is also a million wonderful things, but let's face it, people, it's a sacrifice of you-name-it. Body, sleep, career, time, money, showers.... When I was in YWAM the theory about challenges was that God was trying to teach something. I can think of as many lessons I need to learn as projects on my endless to-do list. I'll put it this way: I never realized how flawed I am until I became a mother. I don't say this to insult myself, I say it solemnly, with the realization that we are raising little mirrors.

On a lighter note, Maiya smiles all the time now. At all of us. I caught one on camera and it's on the sidebar. Haven loves her and this morning he entertained her while I did my morning hygiene routine (brushed my hair and teeth). The sweetness between the two of them is great.