Can't keep it to myself any longer.

I don't mean to make this a media blog. Sometimes you just gotta say something. My sister played a new song for me by Kendall Payne during the drive to our Grandma's last week. I could only choke out Ilikeit, while blinking back tears. That song was I Will Show you Love. For goodness sake, take a listen. If you have any way to access Rhapsody or itunes, crank in on up. I called Dave from the car to ask him to get it for me. asap. (I would do it myself, girls, but I have yet to navigate itunes. I have my limits.)

The rest of the album, from which this golden little song came, has since played nonstop in my car and, as a result, in my head. I specifically recommend Not Afraid to Be Me, Lines and Burning Embers . There is also an intensely sad but hopeful song about the human traffikking epidemic that will probably make you try to figure out what the hell you can do about it. Why are you still reading this blog? Hike your fingers over to some kind of music website and buy this album. If you still need more convincing, continue to read.

There are certain books, such as the aforementioned Grace (Eventually), that bring me to consider the thoughts I subscribe to. Why do I believe that God is loving and since I do, how is exemplified in my life? What is it about grace that has me toting it around like a pocket book? How much of what I say is just Christianese and how much of it is evident in my day-to-day life? What a book does this in the silence, music does with a beat. The beat of this album has sunk into me and has my thoughts going.

I'm not saying this album has changed my life. There are just a few people who have done that. I'm not fanatical and I don't endorse everything that I think is trendy or cool. This album put a pause in my heart. I want you to have the chance for that, too, if it's what you need.

How To Have a Happy Marriage

My friend, Dana, is an elementary school teacher and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Before our wedding day, Dana asked her 2nd grade students how to have a happy marriage. In the aftermath of our ceremony, with all of our bridesmaids and groomsman gathered around, she read this list to us and we started our marriage by laughing with our friends. Here is the list:

• Don't track mud into the house, Dave.
  
• Have a happy time with each other.


• Don't throw things in the house.


• Buy a nice house.


• Spend time with your husband, and not the dishes, Jen.


• Dave, don't always play video games.


• Be nice to each other.


• Be nice wherever you are.


• Stay good people.


• Try not to argue.


• Walk across the beach with each other.


• Have fun at Chucky Cheese.


• Draw love cards to each other.


• Go on dates.


• Always, forever be happy!
  
• Have parties.
  
• Do things for each other, like cook dinner and do the dishes.


• Help each other with laundry.


• Love each other with lots of love.


• Stay together forever.


• Have pillow fights.


• Jump on the bed and have fun!


• Have a food fight.


• Go on picnics.


• Kiss each other every day when you come home.


• Every day say, "I love you."

Eleven Months Old!

This month has brought many new things for Haven...


He met his Great Grandmother, my dear Grandma Nancy.

He also met one of his great aunts, my Aunt Sue.

He started to crawl....

And walk!

Dave and I realized our house is nowhere near babyproof!

Grace (Eventually)

I found this book in my stocking this Christmas, and what an excellent find! The latest book from my favorite author, Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott, reminded me of the reasons that I love her. I tore through the chapters, and each one filled my mind with ideas of how I might word my own stories. My deep love for writing is renewed every time a read a captivating book.

I first fell in love with Anne Lamott's writing when I read Traveling Mercies, which could be considered the first in a trilogy of which Grace (Eventually) is the third. Both were filled with stories about seeing God in every day life, understanding His grace and personality. All of the stories are frank tales of the trials and joys of life. I was disappointed by the second book, Plan B, which was essentially a diatribe against George W Bush (I do not see the point of hating a politician). I was relieved to read Grace (Eventually), as it was about forgiveness and hope.

It's hard to explain why you like your best friend so much, and it's hard to explain why I love Anne Lamott's books so much. She says a lot of stuff that pisses me off (her thoughts on abortion made me so mad that I put the book down for a week). There is something about her, though, that I just get and it makes me feel that, somehow, the feeling is mutual. I recommened her completely, unless you only like to read things that align completely with your own belief system. I think you'll be challenged and certainly inspired.

In closing, I'll give you one of my favorite quotes from the book: A good marriage is one in which both people think that they got the better deal. (AL)

Also...

We celebrated a very special occasion on Saturday. Haven waited until Dave and I were both home, just sitting around, to take his first steps. The day instantly became a holiday. Haven actually started crawling and taking independant steps this week. No more sitting around for him!

Changes

The woods are pretty around our house, especially when it snows. This a view from the side of the house, similar to our bedroom window view. I didn't realize how much I'd love this setting. It's so dark and quiet at night.

My last day at work is January 31. Then, I will officially have no income to contribute. So, that's different. I've been employed for about 13 years, in some function or another. I made $4.25 an hour at my first job. Though I will bring no income to our family, I hope my increased time at home brings better meals, a cleaner house and an overall improved quality of life for everyone. Less work for one person in the family means less work for everbody. Still, it will be a mental adjustment to have nothing financial to contribute.

I still love my internship and school (don't forget it!). I was adamantly against addictions counseling at the beginning, but experience has changed that. Watching the process of recovery unfold week after week is ucommon and beautiful. I'm still primarilly interested in family counseling and enjoy the teenagers I've worked with, but addictions has certainly piqued my interest.

Pregnancy is ... different. This one has rendered me emotional and tired, while with Haven I was more hungry and hungry. Next month we will find out if we are having a girl or a boy. I want to start anther pregnancy blog, but you may have noticed I've barely kept up with this one in recent weeks. (I'm actually trying to spend a little more time on creative writing - if it doesn't go on a blog I feel more free to write anything I want.)

Happy January everyone, hope you are getting some beautiful weather.

Baby and more Baby

Haven turned nine-months old on November 4, 2007 and I woke up with one thought: take a pregnancy test. I remembered seeing one fall off the shelf and behind our dryer a couple of months ago. (In our apartment, the washer and dryer were conveniently tucked into the bathroom closet.) I got out of bed, handed Haven to Dave and shoved the dryer out of the way with determination. It took some circulation loss, but I wedged myself behind the dryer and pulled out the second EPT from the pack I used when we learned about Haven (18 short, but oh-so-long, months ago).

Since we all know how these tests works, I'll leave the semantics out of the story. We want to have another baby, I thought, during the forever-three-minute wait. We're ready. The truth is that we were thinking another three or four months would give me time to finish school and find a part time job before we had another little dumpling. The second line was bold and appeared before I could finish my thought process. Hey, what's three or four months?

Haven is now almost one year old. I am planning his first birthday party, which will be on Superbowl Sunday and football-themed, of course. (He was born Superbowl Sunday last year.) Pregnancy is almost never on my mind. I remember it like a coming vacation; exciting, but so far away and different from my life now. Next month we will find out if the baby is a girl or boy. It was at that point that I began to feel bonded with Haven because we could call him by his name and use the appropriate pronoun--It so doesn't cut it.

We have decided the keep the name to ourselves until the baby is born. When we decided on Haven's name, the unsolicited input got out of hand. Sorry to those of you who (especially Jes, Janet and Bec!) who did not give feedback and think we should at least tell you the name this time. Feel free to call the baby H2, which is what we call him/her now.

These are the questions I have about this pregnancy and mothering two children under the age of two:

• Will we be able to afford both diapers-for-two and electricity?


• Will I be able to go to Creation two weeks before the baby is due (Creations is a 4-day music fest that involves camping, teenagers and major heat)?


• Could I possible not gain 40 pounds this time and maybe even keep my jaw line?


• Will two cribs fit in Haven's room (because I am not giving up the office/guest room we finally have!)?


• Could I be showing already, at 14 weeks, or am I just that bloated?


• And of course, the worry I hear is as common as exhaustion: could I possible love this baby as much as I love Haven?

Our new babycake!

What a busy few weeks! I'll write more soon, but for now I'd like to announce to coming arrival of our second little baby! The baby is due in July and we look forward to meeting him or her.