Self Care

Last night my professor talked about therapist self care. I actually cancelled an appointment so that I wouldn't miss class. Because I'm not very good at self care, I knew this would be an importat class to attend.

The burn out rate in the health field (mental or physical) is large. Lots of professionals can talk the talk without walking the walk. We teach stress management skills, but do we practice them? Our culture is all about burn out. What are you supposed to say when a job interviewer asks you to "Name one of your weaknesses." The textbook answer is, "I work too hard." Um, an employer may like the idea of exploiting this weakness so you might get the job, but it's really not a trait to be proud of.

A big part of self care is to recognize your priorities. What brings you the most satisfaction when you do it well? My professor had us take five pieces of paper and write on each piece a role we have in our life. She then told us to take one away, imagine that role was not a part of our life any longer. Which would we lose first? Second? Third? She did this until we had only two in front of us. These roles, she said, are the ones we find most fulfilling. These are the ones that can't wait while we attend to Number 4 or 5. So many times, we put first what we think is vital. It was a simple exercise, but it struck me when she said: Those last roles are the roles in which to excel. Maybe you will be average in the roles you threw out, and sometimes being average is okay, it's good. This was quite an earful for me, as I like to be the best at everything I do. It was good though, it was like she said, "So, go ahead and toss the guilt for not being perfect in every little tiny thing you attempt to do in your life."

My final two pieces of paper read wife and mother. I like to think of myself as a feminist. But, the truth is, if I am the best mother I can be and have as strong a marriage as possible, I will be satisfied with my life. (The core of the feminist message is to be who you want to be regardless of social obligation anyway, right? So I'm good.) I love to be a counselor, and that was a hard one for me to crinkle up. However, it isn't going to bring me more joy than my relationships with Dave, Haven (and the babies to come). If I'm an average counselor, that might be okay. (Maybe - I'm still processing that one.) I won't settle for an average marriage or being an average mother.

So, that's what I got out of the self care talk. Oh, and one other thing, which I think is truly interesting: my professor discussed some studies that have been done about depression. In many studies, exercise has been proven as effected as medication to relieve depression. It may sound like inverse logic, but being physically active can lead to a quieter mind. So, when I say walk with me, I mean, stay well with me.