Yay!

The Walk.

Melissa & I - smartypantses.




Jes, trying to entertain Haven during the absolutely not enthralling ceremony.



My Dad, schlepping everybody's stuff.


Thanks for all of the support, love!

Haven: "So... when are we gonna ditch this joint
so I can get something to eat?"

Purpose. Glory.

The other day my mom said, "God has great plans for your life." Has. Like He has yet to give them to me.

In the past I imagined "great plans" meant long term missions to remote tribes, authorship of best-selling books, speaking events. When I was a kid there was always a sense that something better was coming down the pike if I could just hold on for it. I interpreted this to mean that "regular" life was not and could never be purposeful.

David Crowder has a new song that Dave and I can't stop listening to and it's called the Glory of it All. The chorus goes like this:

Oh, the glory of it all
Is He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all
(David Crowder)

I believe that I'm living the Great Plans God has for me, though my life has never been more regular in well, the "regular" sense. These Great Plans are this relationship with God; His rescue of me. Additionally, I have people in my life to love and be loved by. Also Great.

I was probably 12 years old when I wrote a letter to Elisabeth Elliot and asked her, "Why do we exist? Why does God exist? What's the point of everything?" When you are a 12-year-old home school girl, you are pretty sure somebody like Elisabeth Elliot will have the answer to this question. She replied to me - which was more exciting than getting a letter from Madonna (also thanks to the home school life) - and said simply that this is a question that philosophers have asked for ages. Since we are human we do not understand everything. I got the impression that she was saying ... for the glory of it all.

Here is to that glory in my life today. The purpose I have in faith spills out into purpose in the ways I love Dave, Haven, my little girl, my sisters, parents, friends ... and the people who are less easy to love. May you find the glory of your life, may you see that it is not just a tiny distant speck but an enormous present light.

a word to the wise

Today is free Ice Coffee Day at
Dunkin Donuts!

See their website for to find one.

Life's like that.

The cool air has returned, reminding me that it is not yet Summer and Spring may wax and wane for a few more days. I put up a countdown on our whiteboard for how long it is until the baby comes: 7 more weeks. I guess I won't buy diapers on today's trip to the store, tempting as it will be. Haven's naps have been eratic; he slept yesterday for 4 hours straight but only 1 hour on Sunday. I'm just about done with school; it's so close I can taste it and have no desire to do those last few assignments.

We had a fun Mother's day. When I say we, perhaps I should say I, because I was waited on all day long. Dave cooked, cleaned up, we went for a hike, watched a movie and ate homemade (by Dave) ice cream sandwiches. Thanks, Babe! I hope my fellow mamas also had a relaxing, fun day!

Now that Haven is down for his nap, I have a few things to do, but I prefer to sit here and write and look out the window. Here, in this last room to get organized in our home. I've given myself the deadline of next Tuesday to finish it. My Dad is coming then for my graduation and he'll need to be able to get to the bed without getting hurt. I like to give myself generous deadlines.

Maybe this goes on my pregnancy blog, but it's kind of strange to know that a baby is coming and not have the need to raid Babies R Us. Since Haven was a baby two seconds ago, we still have all of his things for this one to use. Excited grandparents have supplied us with the only thing we didn't have: girl's clothes. I did splurge a little on a beautiful bassinet. I found it on craigslist in perfect condition for a third of the new price. It currently stands in Haven's room holding the doll Dave bought her; a symbol of who is to come. And we've decided on a name. So she's graduated from "the baby" to ... well, it's a secret.

That's life around here. Oh, and one more thing. We saw these three bears walking through our 'hood when we left for church on Sunday.

In just a couple of weeks I will don that goofy graduation getup and get the most attention I've received since Haven was born (maybe about 5 whole seconds) while my name is called and I am handed a piece of paper that represents the diploma that I won't officially earn until the end of June. What a charade. But I wouldn't miss it.

I'm so happy that I'm going to be finished with school. I guess that goes without saying for most people. But it's been a lot of work for three years. Between working and two pregnancies and moving - I am so ready to get on with my life.

Just as the the culmination of my education began to sink into my soul, Dave said, "I'd like you to think about getting a PhD." I looked at him like he was a crazy person and said that if I do get a PhD it will be in Nutrition. I think that almost changed his mind. The last thing he'd like is an increase in the whole wheat bread to potato bread ratio around here. Or, for me to finally say, "Potatoes are not vegetables" and subsequently serve only his vegetable nemesis. The green ones. So, with the, ah, broccoli dangling, I continue to bask in my great accomplishment. My last graduation.

Haven Baby

It's been a little while since I've bragged about my boy, so, here goes.

I cannot believe how much he understands. He loves to climb the stairs, but I only let him when I hover on the step below. When I say, "Haven, do you want to go upstairs?" he drops whatever he's doing and runs to the bottom of the stairs. While I was making dinner tonight, I grabbed something out of the fridge and the door swung back open. I said, "Haven, would you close the refrigerator for mommy?" He walked to the door and started to close it (until he saw the eggs were within his reach - but it's the thought that counts, especially at 14 months old).

He understands tone. I could use the phrase, "Haven, what are you doing?" in several ways and by the expression on his face - either guilty or a big smile - I can tell that he understands why I'm asking.

His expressive communication isn't too shabby either. So far, his words include: all done, dog, more, mom, dad, and cricket (our cat). Ok, I'll admit, only Dave and I recognize some of those words, but we're impressed. I think he's got others as well, but we're still deciphering them.

I know he'll be a fun big brother. He already plays peek-a-boo using a hat, the laundry or whatever he can find. I have also taught him to put something in my mouth to make me stop crying and plan to utilize this skill of his with little H2, if she takes a pacifier.

He loves to eat, which makes cooking for him a joy. Some foods he likes are blueberry pancakes, blueberry muffins, rice, meatloaf, grilled cheese sandwiches, broccoli, cauliflower, black beans, chili and the old stand by, pasta. He also doesn't mind food with a little spice and had a great time eating at Thai place recently.

He's just come through a phase of great protest to baths and diaper changes. That was not fun. I think he has finally accepted that hygiene is important.

His personality is still pretty laid back, though he has started to throw a few tantrums. He likes to walk around the house with a pen in his hand (or any pointy object he can find, you know, we just leave 'em lying around for him) and taking the pen usually results in a brief tantrum. If he is hungry, he literally hangs on my two legs while I cook and whines - what fun! I'll say it again, though, I'm pretty sure he's an easy baby.

Finally, my favorite, favorite part of every day with him is reading and singing before his nap times. He runs over to the papasan chair, curls up with me and we read stories. We then go in his room and he puts his chubby hands on my shoulders and his head in the nape of neck and I sing to him. Suddenly, in those moments, a part of me is alive that has never been before.

Losing

My husband loves sci-fi. So, the new season of Battlestar Galactica has begun. This is a show about humans who had to leave earth and have to survive in outer space. Their enemies are cylons and cylons looks just like humans. At the end of last season, a key character, Starbuck, died. This season, she's back. There are myriad details I am missing, because I consider Battlestar Galactica time to be my nap time.

From what I gather, Starbuck has possibly turned into a cylon. Or perhaps she has been one along. She's not sure and neither are the other humans. I always liked her character because she's fiesty and says frack a lot (which is a hilarious substitute for the real f-word). I keep thinking about how confused she must be. What would it be like to suddenly lose all that you believe you are?

What would that be like for me?

What would it mean for me to learn that what I live my life for - God - is a fabrication? What if suddenly I knew that God was not who I think he is or that he was not existant at all? Aside from the shock and confusion, my thoughts wandered to one key question:

What would I miss the most?

The knowledge that I am going to heaven after this life?

Somebody to pray to?

A church family?

The confidence that there is somebody bigger than I am out there?

An example of how to live?

I would miss my relationship with Jesus the most. I try to put this into words. I would not miss the religion of Christianity, the theology, even the history. I would miss my friend. When The Passion of the Christ came out, my sister refused to see it because she said she could not watch somebody she loves so much go through all of that. This is how I feel about Jesus, too. He's God, and strong, and the Creator of the world and the judge of my eternal destiny - and He is my closest friend.

He listens when I am confused. He is patient when I take forever to learn a lesson. He is kind when I'm not. He expects me to love him and care about what he cares about. I believe that my desire to do good and "follow rules" simply comes out of my desire to be a friend of God's. I do nice things for my friends because I care about them, not because I'm obligated to or scared.

Anyway, poor Starbuck. I don't want to imagine my life minus my lifeline. I can't look at it. It is too awful.

This week.

I've got an apendage we'll call Haven, so this might be brief. It is after 6 o'clock. We've eaten. Cleaned up. We look forward to when Daddy will be home. Right now, Haven alternates between repeating anything that makes me laugh and standing and smiling very close to my face. He's so cute that it's hard to resist a throw-down tickle session. But I'm so tired.

Haven and I went to Delaware to see my friend Janet and her fam for a couple of days. I love Janet. It's fun to be in the baby-phase (or daze) of life together. She said she's surprised at how much I love being a mom. I agree, nothing has baffled me more. I knew I'd love my children, but I wasn't sure I'd love the huge and constant job of motherhood. Turns out, I sure do (most of the time).


I realized on my drive home that I haven't told Janet what an amazing mom she is -probably because it is so obvious to me. But encouragement can be one of the most beautiful gifts. So, Janet, I was going to send a card, but I'd rather make a public announcement: your mom skills are remarkable. I hope to be as carefree yet conciencous are you. I hope to live the level of commitment to my family and my faith that you do. Thanks for all of the notes along the way!

It did take me a while to finish this post - about 48 hours. It's now Sunday night and we've had a relaxing weekend to top off our week. I have my Master's project to work on so I logged onto blogger for a distraction. Dave started softball this weekend and I wish I had taken a picture of Haven is his sun hat (and, if you must know, one of Dave in his cute baseball pants). I could write about my two guys all night, so, I'll simply say, good night.