Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Confidence.

I've thought a lot about this lately. My children came into this world with plenty of it. They would scream, smile and proclaim their presence as Here and Important. They still do. Confidence is obviously something we are born with, so it must be through experience that it ebbs.

Through my internship I was able to watch different counselors work. I noticed that a lack of confidence on the counselor's part broke down the relationship almost immediately. I learned as a counselor I would not know how to help everyone, but with two tools, I could smooth the transition from novice to helper. The first is to know my own limits and the second is to know how to get the help the person needs.

I have found that so many of the things I learned in my experience and education as a counselor are applicable to parenting. I think God knew I needed some training, and He timed my education and the start of our family just right.

I am becoming aware of what I can give to my children. The weight of it is tremendous and the impact immeasurable. There are limits to what I can do well and it will be advantageous if I work as hard as I can within those limits. When they need things outside of those limits, it will be up to Dave and me to learn, grow or find help. As long as I remain aware, I can maintain confidence. I can stand tall. I will do the best I can with what I have; this is a mantra my Dad taught me.

Confidence is a huge thing for a mom. Not just the benefit to her own mental health, but specifically in training her kids. I remember putting a giant, floppy hat on Haven's head last Summer. It was goofy-looking, but it protected him. I tied it under his chin and he looked at me doubtfully. I stepped back and told him he looked very handsome. He smiled and wore the hat proudly. If Mommy says it's cool, it's cool. (Parents of teenagers: I get that this changes, I'm going to go ahead and lap it up while I can.)

I want confidence to be a gift that I give to my children. I want them to be aware of their unique strengths and weaknesses. Often we focus too much on one or the other, most of us on the latter. What a beautiful thing it is to see ourselves for who we are. May you recognize your strengths today, may you respect your weaknesses, may you grow and walk in confidence.

4 comments:

Collin and Lindsay: said...

Wow, Jen. This was a really insightful and encouraging post. Thanks!

Karenkool said...

I could never get my kids to wear hats! I'm not sure that my kids ever accepted my word as gold either. I think you are awesome!

Cormac Custom Woodworking said...

jen, i love this post. it's also a good time to tell you about a book that i just finished that i think you'll like -- it's called 'letters to a young therapist'. if you get a chance let me know what you think.

Emily said...

I know how you feel! it's amazing to see the way that our children are affected by our affirmations.