coming home.

I come home after my internship at the counseling center. I'm tired. I've done one individual session and two group sessions for addicts. 95% of the people I spent the evening with are only trying to satisfy the system and are not interested in recovery. I'm convinced that I will neither do drugs myself nor specialize in addictions counseling.

I walk up the stairs to our apartment and drop my bag in the hall. Four guys are huddled in our living room, gripping Xbox controllers and yelling at the television screen. I kiss the one I love most and say hi to the rest. The living room is strewn with bottles and paper plates. Dave tells me they saved me some pizza. I check on Haven, who is asleep with his own bottle lying half empty by his hand. I think about how loud the guys are and wonder how this little guys sleeps.

I change my clothes, clean up the kitchen and toast a slice. I grab my latest Donald Miller book, a beer, and curl up on the papasan in the living room. I try to push Velvet Elvis on Kevin and he says he only reads novels. I offer it to Manny and he says he'll take it, though I'm sure I will find it forgotten under his coffee table in a few weeks. I ask Joey if he likes video games, and he admits he only plays them at our house.

The television screen is sliced into quads and they are shouting commands to each other in a videogamease dialect that I do not speak. I read the same paragraph five times between mouthfuls of pizza, and finally close the book. I think about how we still sort of live like college students. I wonder if it will always feel like this.

The day was long and draining. Thursdays are days that I realize how good we have it. Manny asks me if I like the beer - he is teaching me about the types of beer and the one I'm drinking has a lot of hops. Yeah, I like it.

The guys eventually leave and Dave and I prop our eyelids open long enough to watch The Office. I tell him about my night and how frustrating addictions counseling is. I think about the 12 Steps and how those people who recognize that recovery is a daily journey are the most successful. I think this concept is applicable to areas other than addiction. Our recovery from our natural tendencies is a daily process; a constant decision. Kindness, selflessness, empathy.

I put myself to bed to stop thinking. I look forward to Friday. Haven and I will be home with little to do beyond playing and eating. I focus on the simple things and drift off to sleep.