ramblings

Maiya is two weeks old today. Already?

So far my mom and two sisters have each visited for a few days, easing the transition from a family of three to a family of four. It was fun to see them care for Haven while I was suspended to the couch, nursing Maiya. I see traces of myself in each of them and I think Haven appreciated the familiarity. The amount of support we've had these past two weeks is astonishing. Meals, rides, diaper changes, cleaning and laundry were all part of the help. Though my recovery from the c-section has been swift, I cannot imagine having had all of those things to handle alone.

Haven's adjustment to Maiya has been relatively smooth. I could not tell what he was thinking until one morning, a few days ago, when he and I were the first ones awake. I got him out of his crib and he ran out to the living room and looked in Maiya's car seat and then in the bouncer and then up at me - confused. Yesterday, when I took a moment to check my email, I saw Haven traveling between his bedroom and the pack n' play - where Maiya napped - back and forth, back and forth. When I looked in the pack n' play, Maiya was surrounded by her socks. Haven can reach her sock drawer and must have thought either her feet were cold ... or she needed to keep her socks out of his room. Hope it was the former.

Maiya looks a lot like Dave's side of the family, I think. She has jet black hair and long fingers and toes. I think she especially looks like Dave's mom. What a beautiful girl, if I do say so myself. It's hard to describe how I feel about my little girl. I think so much about the things that we'll do in years to come, I imagine what it will be like for her to have me as a mother, I think of all of the things I hope that she finds in me. I think of the things that I want to help her to develop: a relationship with God, a good body image, confidence, how to pick friends, a sense of humor... She's lying in my lap nursing right now. Looking at a new baby is as close as we can get to a glimpse of the future.

So, I feel much more relaxed in the aftermath of this pregnancy than I did in that of Haven's. What I appreciate most is that I do not dread the night. I know what it will be. Long and relatively sleepless. But I also know that these sleepless nights are a temporary phase. Now, with two, the nights are my only alone time with my baby. I can stare at her endlessly without guilt that I might be neglecting Haven. I can hold her and change her and feed her and burp her with no interruptions. The nights are our special time.

Additionally, I am not as blindsided by the looks of my body after this second birth. Of course my arms are riddled with bruises and my abdomen is puffy and wounded and my eyes are dark with fatigue. Of course. But it is temporary (except, maybe, the puffy abdomen). Maiya will not always weigh less than 7 pounds. She will not always nurse 4 times a night. She will not always nurse. I am going to enjoy this season. As I watch my 17-month-old son tear apart the house I nurse his sister, I am aware how quickly this infant stage passes. I just want to treasure it.

I realize this is not the attitude I may have tomorrow, or in an hour, or at 3:30 AM, but generally this is how I feel - all is good. This season is one to embrace.

quick update: exhausted & happy

Our precious daugther is here!

Dave, Haven and I present...

Maiya Adisen
Born July 2, 2008
6 pounds, 14 ounces, 20 inches

(More photos on our family site.)

She's healthy and sleepy and nursing well!

The c-section went better than I could have expected and recovery has been relatively good, except for a major cases of the itchies as the anestesia wore off. The result? I scratched my nose so much during the night that I look like Rudolph.

We are now home and survived the first night, during which she nursed at least once an hour.

Feel free to call our house if you'd like to ... I'll be here nonstop for quite a few days to come.

More later. You know, in a few months when I'm running on more than 4 hours of chopped up sleep and half a cup of coffee.

Life these Days

Tomorrow is baby day. Here are some not-natural self portraits, but at least you will get the basic 9-months-pregnant idea....

"I LOVE being pregnant! What's not to love about gaining weight, exhaustion and gasping for air every time I climb the stairs?!"

" Don't you come steal my baby."

"Yeah, I'm totally relaxed. No, I did not wake up at 4 o'clock this morning in a panic about how I will take care of two children. Not me. I'm cool as a cucumber."

I don't have any explanation for this.

So, in other news, I was having a particularly stressful day one day last week, and just as I was trying to get a bunch of stuff done in a short amount of time, comic relief walked into the room:

Haven discovered that this basket is see through. He walks all over the house with it on his head and that bucket in his hand.

Okay, that's it for now. Tomorrow I go under the knife. When I return to this blog, I will be the mother of two. Let's hope I actually am able to return to this blog once I am the mother of two.

Our Empathic Little Guy

We were out late. 8:30 pm. Haven was in the shopping cart and we were perusing Sport's Authority for free weights. While Dave calculated how expensive the number of pounds he can lift would be at $.99/pound, I watched Haven watch other shoppers. A distracted woman walked by and Haven bestowed upon her his toothy, attention-grabber grin. The one that grabs Dave or my attention anytime he does it.


The woman just walked by. Not a glance at The Cute One.


I watched Haven's face, and the grin faded as he watched the woman walk away. I wanted to grab him and tell him that I will always think he is an adorable, perfect miracle. Instead, I contained myself, and watched as he processed. More than how much I don't want him to feel rejection, I want him to be able to handle it when he does.


We are realizing that we've got a sensitive boy on our hands. The other day Dave and I were going back and forth about who came up with which of Haven's nicnames. I said I came up with Pumps, he said he first called him Pumpkin, which is where I got Pumps. We must have sounded pretty enthusiastic because Haven looked at both of us and broke into tears.


Our house is generally quiet and we change the TV channel if somebody is yelling or crying (as this has also caused him to cry). I think maybe this child loves him some peace.


Yesterday one of his little friends was at our house - she's weeks old - and Haven dropped a remote control right next to her. She was startled and began to cry. Haven cried too.


Today we were with another of his friends and she played in her exersaucer while Haven tore through their house inspecting anything he could get his hands on. Anyway, at one point she cried when her mommy left the room. My son's eyebrows furrowed and he reached out both of his arms and tried to hug her over the exersaucer. Then, when that didn't stop her tears, he cried with her.


I wonder if this co-crying will vanish with a couple of weeks of living with an infant. I imagine it will. I don't imagine that his sensitive nature will vanish, though.


I want to teach him to be proactive about his feelings and to think about other people. I want him to learn to think beyond the first things that come to mind. I would have loved to say to him the other night, "Why do you think that woman didn't acknowledge your cute face? Maybe she's very busy. What do you think she's busy doing?" Or about his friends, "It is very sad that your friend is sad, how can you help her?" I want to teach him to use that kind, gentle heart as it was created to be used.

Post Father's Day Thoughts

Haven loves Dave. I love to see it.

When Dave plays softball on Saturday afternoons, Haven cheers. Both teams can hear it. His cheer is a loud shriek: "Daaaaa!" Dave waves at him from the field and hi-fives him between innings.

I love sharing all of this with Dave. A lot of people love Haven, but nobody shares the obsession of every tiny milestone the child reaches like two parents. I love talking to Dave endlessly about our baby. We sometimes miss all of that alone time we used to have, but this season offers new bonding material, more of life to love together.

I think Dave has unique traits that make him an exceptional father. He's kind of like the scent of lavender; you can't help but relax when he's around. I hope that our kids inherit the peace that Dave eminates. I hope that they are as confident about the future and fun loving as he is. I hope that when they are older they realize the enormous gift Dave is to them from God.

I hope that Haven always laughs with Dave the way he does now. I pray that they are close

I guess that I say all of this to say one thing: I am thankful. This is what resonates within me. There is some chaos and I have fluctuating emotions, but the deep and lasting truth is that I am thankful.

Heat Wave

I am still waiting for a drive of energy to kick in, as is our cat, as you can see. I spend a lot of the day calculating how much longer I have to prepare for the baby. The heat has caused my energy level to plummet deeper than pregnancy could alone. I am so glad that I did not plan to go to Creation with Dave in a couple of weeks. I cannot imagine the torment that would be at 38 weeks pregnant. Janet, our boys and I will have a nice time sitting in the air-conditioned house or swimming at a lake.

Even Haven is cranky and he pins his sticky body around my sticky legs and lets out the motor-cry that only children can create. My friend, who doesn't have kids, said she's afraid if a child did that to her she would instinctively kick him off of her legs. This comment made me feel quite tolerant and confident that I unearthed my motherly instincts at some point.

Somebody please tell me why this pregnancy I look smaller, but feel infinitely more tired, worn, and older. Perhaps because I have been pregnant for 18 of the past 26 months?!

I think I will take a lesson from my sweet son. Yesterday I found him lying on the floor in the bathroom, studying a small toy - right in front of the coldest air conditioning vent in the house.

Summertime Fun

Memorial Day day relaxation, with two people I think are awesome - Janet & Haven.

~

Premise: We have ultra limited closet space in our house.
Me: I wish I had somewhere to hang the baby's dresses. And space for a changing table.

Dave:

That's right, it's a changing table on top and a closet with bonus drawers on the bottom, designed, built and painted by own husband. Suweeet.

~

This summer is Haven's first to enjoy the wonders of a playground.

~

I've been busy ... surviving. You know, breathing. Eating. Waddling. Yesterday the doc informed me that her head is resting on my pelvic bone - don't worry, you'll be more comfortable once her head descends - awesome. I find it unfair that it is in the weeks leading to the most sleepless time of your life it is the most difficult to get to sleep. So, even lying down to rest has become a challenge. Yesterday, on the phone, somebody asked if that was me breathing so heavy. Of course it is, I just walked across the living room.

So far, our summer has been wonderful and I am settling in for one that I'm sure I'll remember as a favorite. We're going to meet our little girl and and a new baby means lots of friends and family around the house. We have a deck on which to have barbecues and playtime. Haven is big enough to do fun stuff, like splash in the baby pool and eat Popsicles.

I know it's gonna be good. Stay tuned.