"Jen, he's too close to the edge!" Dave was diving toward Haven to encircle him in pillows.
I glanced over my shoulder, furrowed my eyerows and said, "You're right."
Posed with a lengthy explanation of why Haven should not be placed on the bed so haphazardly, Dave's face suddenly dropped with no reason to say it. Whatdidyoujustsay? I had to say it a couple of times before his expression changed from sheer shock.
I turned back to the closet and smiled. I'm thinking my own husband should not be speechless when I tell him he's right.
I was looking for funny marriage quotes and found this: If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him... is he still wrong? This isn't really funny. Well, it is, to the typical view of marriage in our culture. But seriously. Who wants the typical marriage offered by a culture with a 50/50 chance of getting divorced? I certainly don't.
In a lot of the church there is one Bible verse people always quote about marriage - the one about women submitting to their husbands. By leaving out the preceding verse (Eph 5:21), they suggest that men are always right.
Dave and I are of the conviction that submission is a natural thing that occurs in a healthy marriage and it is not a forced, do-what-I-say kind of thing. Submission, in the original language, has more of a caretaking meaning than the obedient I-know-nothing-you-know-everything meaning commonly attached to it. This is our interpretation. I'm not saying we've got the corner on it, nor do I wish to start a discussion on women submitting to their husbands. All this to say...
When we were planning our marriage ceremony, we told our friend Jim we wanted to do some 
of our own vows and use some of the traditional vows. Jim is aware of our beliefs about roles in marriage, however, when he was saying the vows for me to repeat, I found myself saying, "I will obey you in everything." He simply forgot to remove this part from the traditional vows and he jokes that Dave slipped him a twenty to put that line in my vows. Dave reminds me of it at key times. Like when he wants to order pizza for dinner.
of our own vows and use some of the traditional vows. Jim is aware of our beliefs about roles in marriage, however, when he was saying the vows for me to repeat, I found myself saying, "I will obey you in everything." He simply forgot to remove this part from the traditional vows and he jokes that Dave slipped him a twenty to put that line in my vows. Dave reminds me of it at key times. Like when he wants to order pizza for dinner.Anyway, my point is well summed up by Zig Zigler, "Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. " Sometimes Dave is right and sometimes I'm right. Most often, though, we both have a little bit of rightness and we just need to put it together. Hopefully I can get that message across to Dave, so that next time I tell him You're Right he isn't speechless.
6 comments:
I have been all over the map with this one through the years, and after everything, here is what I think:
As a man,if you have to "pull rank" and demand submission, you have already lost all respect and should just drop it.
There is only one situation in which a man can and should demand submission. This situation is if the wife's life is threatened and only immediate action can save her. Under this situation, the man is duty bound to act and cannot take no for an answer.
In ANY OTHER CASE, no is always acceptable, and demands for submission are not justified.
Its hard for me to admit when I am wrong and Craig is right. This is something I have been working on and getting better at. I hate it when women bash their husbands. My thought is if they thought their husband was a dummy, then why did they marry them? From what I can tell, you and Dave have a wonderful marriage. Of course its not all roses and daydreams, but what marriage is? We just celebrated our 9th anniversary and its sad to think that most couples don't even make it that far. I admire the couples celebrating their 60th wedding anniversaries. You know now a days there won't be many of those. We live in a disposable society and its sad to say that's its just as easy to dispose of our vows and marriage as it is to throw out the old microwave that doesn't work anymore. Great post Jen!
:) You make me smile. And in line with your not wanting to start a submission conversation, I'll just say: I completely agree. Well said.
SOOOO...what did you say when the pastor said that? did you repeat him? Did you look at him like he had lost him mind? Did Dave laugh? You gotta tell the rest of the story!!
I repeated it! I promised to obey Dave in everything. I figure we'd work out the details of it later. (:
These are good thoughts Jen. I, like you, do not agree with the obey version. Marriage is a growing experience, even after many years, and being on the same side and working with each other is a rewarding and wonderful part of life together. Being able to admit you are wrong and meaning it is a part of this growth. You and Dave have a strong marriage and are a good mom and dad. Hang on to that.
Some wives have gone deep into the "obedience in marriage" thing and even allow their husbands to spank them when they are rebellious. (Sounds kind of fun! ;-) hahaha). It's true, though. I'm not making this up. A friend sent me a link to a website about it and these people are serious and CHRISTIAN. Maybe I'll post about it one day. Just be glad Dave has only held you to your vows on account of pizza ordering.
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