Help me, please!

Maiya wakes up almost every night. She is 16 months old and I'm totally over it. What I have been doing (judge me if you wish) is giving her a bottle of warm milk, rocking her while she drinks it and then putting her in bed. She goes right back to sleep.

You might suggest that I give her water and I will tell you that I have tried that. She drinks it and then screams hysterically when I put her to bed.

Sometimes we think she wakes because she's hungry. She tends to be a picky eater and by principle I try not to cater to picky eaters (at least not to those under 3 feet tall). So, sometimes she does not eat much for dinner and we don't generally eat dessert. It stands to reason that she could be hungry by 2 o'clock in the morning. So what is the solution? Some nights I put whatever food in front of her that I think she will eat (generally all things pasta), sometimes I stick to my guns.

On the nights that she eats plenty and still wakes up, I often think that she is teething, cold or has soaked through her diaper. These thoughts make it impossible for me to leave her to cry it out.

On my strong nights, I have tried letting her cry. This worked with Haven. Maiya, however, gets extremely worked up and when I finally go in it takes ages to calm her.

Maybe it will work if I just leave her. Maybe I'm being more of a baby than she is.

Ideas, anyone?

There are so many babies and pregnancies around me. It's beautiful and exciting. Hopeful.

But it doesn't give me That Feeling. You know, the desire to make Maiya a big sister.

Yesterday I attempted to sell a truck load of baby stuff at a yard sale (it didn't sell, which I choose to believe is not a sign). More than a few people said, "but what about when you have another?" To be honest, those words make me feel a small amount of panic. I did not sleep through the night from some time during 2005 until some time during 2008. Actually, we're almost to 2010 and Maiya still often wakes for some middle-of-the-night quality time. In addition to the lack of sleep, these kids need a lot of pricey things like clothes, shoes, food, diapers and child care (which in our case, comes in the form of my unemployment) to keep them going. And let's talk about the time - it takes me months to get through books. I renew library books until I'm not allowed to any more. These kids have dramatically impacted pretty much every area of mine and Dave's life.

DO NOT get me wrong. I cannot overstate my sheer thankfulness that I was able to get pregnant and give birth to our children. I cannot overstate the amount of joy that their laughter, development and fat faces bring to me.

It might be that I so desperately want to do a good job that I can't imagine adding another infant to our mix at this point. I know my limits, and despite what I might hope you think of me, I am the opposite of super woman. (I know that we serve a super God, though, so should another one come, I'm sure He'd be happy to give us the grace we'd need.) I want to give H and M all of the one-to-one time they would like. I want them to be well-disciplined and confident. I'm sure I want all of the things any decent parent wants, I just so often feel like they're just barely getting those things now...

My need for more time might be less altruistic, though. It might just be that I'd like to look like a semblance of my pre-baby self at some point it time soon. Pregnancy and sleep deprivation were unkind to both my skin and my hair.

Anyway, back to Number Three. I imagine that Haven and Maiya's intensive newborn-baby-toddler stages will not last for the rest of my child bearing years (or so people who have made it through this phase have told me). I do hope that someday our family will grow. However, we'll be waiting until the sight of a new born baby doesn't fill me with the thought, "wow, that child is adorable, but better you than me."


ps - I say all of this and then I upload photos from Haven's (top) and Maiya's (bottom) babyhood. I forgot how cuddly they were...

If I would, I'd be a writer...

I think that one day I will sit down and write a book. It's my dream. It was my dream before I had the dream to be a counselor or a mother or a wife or any other role that I might undertake. I used to hand write pages and pages of stories, curled up on my bed. Anytime I mention this to Dave he rolls his eyes. He's tired of waiting for me to stop talking about writing and start writing. It's just that so many other things take my time.

It isn't actually time that is the issue. We make time for whatever is important to us.

You're supposed to write what you know. I'm familiar with plenty of topics, but one of the things I've lived and breathed my entire life is Christianity. I've seen so many versions of it and so many people who are convinced that they are right. I'm convinced that I am right, but since I am part of this tolerant generation, I will say that I'm convinced that I'm right for myself. And with that statement I've offended an entire wing of Christians.

Anyway, if I do write anytime soon, I will write about my experience as a Christian. I will write about how so much of my Christianity has been about following rules but that the deepest parts are more real to me than my own skin. I will write that some of the charismatic things I experienced as a child were sheer drama, but some was passionate and beautiful. I will write about the jewels of truth I have gained from watching others' lives unfold. I will write about things that a personal, like the map of my life. Maybe I'll write under a pseudonym.

This is all banter. Thoughts. I don't have much more to add at this point.

Good Deals

With my new education on managing money, I have become even more frugal. I know, some of you are saying, "How is this possible?" and others are saying, "I guess I can expect a bag of rocks for Christmas." What if they're pretty rocks?

Anyway, yesterday I stole the show with a sweep up at a certain department store that starts with the letter K. While cleaning my room the other day (miracle)I found a pair of shorts I never wore. I bought them early in the summer and grabbed the wrong size, so they were set aside to eventually return.

While Dave vegged out in front of football and the kids napped, I toted the shorts back to the store and was granted a $29 store credit. I began digging through the clearance racks in the kids department, then the men's department and then, since I couldn't leave myself out, the women's department. I left the store with something for everyone: 2 shirts and 1 pair of pants for Maiya, 1 pair of jeans for Haven, a nightgown for myself (I'm girly, accept it, I have) and 2 t-shirts for Dave. I paid $3 on top of my store credit.

Not too shabby. Especially in exchange for a pair of ill-fitting shorts.

While I'm bragging, I might as well tell you about some other great finds I've recently made. Trash picking is not best thing that a girl in New Jersey can do for her reputation, but I'm not a Jersey Girl at heart. So, when I saw someone throwing away a perfectly good deck chair and table, I loaded it in the car and have been enjoying on an almost daily basis.

Another day I was driving around town and found a swingset on the curb, sporting a FREE sign.

And just today I found a small cabinet, just what I've been looking for, sitting curbside. Waiting for my frugal fingers to pick it up, dust it off, give it a couple of touch-ups with a black marker, and call it mine.

So, I continue to "shop" but in more (what's a good word for it?) creative ways. I don't think I will ever regret saving money, but I have certainly felt the sting of regret after spending it.

Potty time at our house

Potty training is one of those things that you do in life that reflects your personality. Every mom I know who has even attempted it, had a different method. So, in the past few months I've listened and read and now I'm writing my own script.


Before two of his baths last week, Haven stripped off his clothes, sat on the potty that has been gathering stray hairs for months, and peed. Like it was nothing. Like it was part of his routine. I screamed and threw a party (bathroom style) and he smiled.


Then, suddenly, came his conviction that he could do everything himself. When he began to shriek "ALL BY MYSELF!" about anything from climbing into his carseat to washing his hair, I decided that pooping and peeing is something he is welcome to do all by himself. Thus I realized that while he may have been ready for potty training for a couple of weeks, I finally had the will to do it as well.


We're going gradually. I anticipate that this will take a while (weeks, months) and that's okay with me. Any progress is progress (says the therapist). Today he kept a pull-up dry for over 4 hours. Yesterday, however, he was wearing tighty-whities and peed on Dave twice within an hour. We're in the sit-on-the-potty-every-half-hour phase.

So, our style is slowly, no pressure. I'll be the one carrying loads of tighty-whities back and forth to the washer.


Feel free to leave your tips for potty training! What worked with your little guy or girl? What didn't work?

What I Did with My Summer.

Did implies that the summer has ended. Which it has. Abruptly. Silently. Quite unkindly, if you ask me. It was such a nice summer, even though the weather wasn't.

I learned a lot and felt mostly that I was vacillating between lost and found. That's why I had little to put on this blog. I could have filled it with stories, but my thoughts were too far gone to sum it up without giving more of myself than I wanted.

I will attempt to end the cryptic speech now.

Haven, Maiya and I spent a lot of time at the lake, as we anticipated. Not as much as I would have hoped, but those sunny days of splashing and finally watching Haven wade in up to his shoulders were good enough for me. Maiya started walking toward the end of the summer, but her fearlessness around the water remained. One day my sister, Jes, was with me and noted, "I guess you don't go to the beach and read a book." I don't think I will do that for many years.

I took a 12-week course on personal finances. I learned more than I can say, and I think Dave and I will look back on this summer as the time that we made changes in our personal finances that were significant. The course covered issues from budgeting to giving to insurance and lot more in between. It's the type of stuff we all should have learned before we got jobs with real salaries (or at least before we quit our jobs with salaries to stay home with our kids). If anybody wants info on it, let me know. I think they offer classes nationwide at different churches and organizations.

Finally, and importantly, my baby sister, Rebecca, got married this summer. The sister I remember as an infant got married. The sister who made us all laugh and hammed it up every time she had a chance, danced her little butt off at her wedding reception and left a married woman. Her husband is a really cool guy (who Dave would have liked to wish "welcome to the family and good luck, you'll need it" in his toast if everyone had a sense of humor to accommodate that, but Dave wasn't sure). So, I have my first brother-in-law and the kids have their first uncle, well, by official relation that is. Congrats to Bec & Phil!

There will more posting on my part, I miss this blog. Thank you for coming back to read, if you have. Hope you also had a restorative summer.

Rock & Run for Africa

Did you know that 1.1 billion people don't have access to clean drinking water!? Have you heard that two million people will die this year from unsafe drinking water and that 80% of those are children!

I can't imagine if I didn't have the option to turn on the faucet and give my children clean water. What must that be like?

I'm participating in an event called Rock and Run for Africa on September 6th with my church, Liquid. I am not going to send individual emails, because I know that there are thousands of worthy causes that you could choose to donate to. Please consider this one, I think it's incredibly important.

We are attempting to raise resources to help families in Africa who don't have the privilege of clean drinking water.

Here is a video with more information.

Run for Africa from Liquid Church on Vimeo.

If you wish to donate, simply follow this link. ANY amount is appreciated!

Happy Birthday, Maiya

My little girl is one year old. I have a million feelings about that, including pride that Dave and I survived our first year with two children, and serenity that the toddler years are in full swing. That's right, I said serenity and toddlers in the same sentence. While infancy is cute in many ways, I embrace the new level of independence brought into our lives by toddlerhood.

Back to the person of the day. Maiya is wonderful. It's so easy to make her laugh. She loves to be in the water. She is brave and resilient. She is dramatic and, I admit, has me wrapped. She loves to flip and I wonder if she'll like gymnastics. She's intelligent; I can tell by the level of focus she gives to anything that captures her interest. She loves fruit. She knows what a pirate says, and a pirate says "arrrr."

My little sunshine, I couldn't love you more. Happy First Birthday!

Yesss.

The lake is OPEN for business people. I should probably just go ahead and close up blog shop for the Summer. The babies and I will spend our mornings swimming at the lake, eating a picnic lunch and getting home in time for naps. It's gonna be so good. I have an extra pass if anybody wants to join us!

Just another grocery shopping war story

Yesterday I remembered why I do not grocery shop with both kids. It raises my blood pressure to an alarming rate. At least it gives me fodder for this blog.

Haven played with (i.e. tormented) Maiya in the car attached to the shopping cart. She screamed while I maniacally attempted to shove the grocery bags into the cart. It seemed like the cashier had put every item in it's own bag. She was stone faced about the shriek Maiya was giving. A few passers by said, "aw, don't cry." Wow, that's really helpful, thank you.

(It was so hectic that I didn't get to enjoy how much I had saved, which is usually the highlight of grocery shopping. Later, though, I celebrated that I had gotten three boxes of brand-name cereal and a gallon of organic milk for five dollars.)

I mean, seriously, there was nobody in that store, employed or not, who could help me for ten seconds of their life? Sometimes I am shocked by the lack of kindness from strangers. Especially when my blood is boiling and I am convinced my stressors are the real problems in the world.

Perhaps, I guess, there is a slight chance that Maiya's cry does not raise blood pressure in every person in the world. Since she isn't their responsibility. Since it isn't their job to assess her cry and meet her needs. But still, somebody could have lent a helping hand. Instead, it felt like everyone was lending a very unhelpful finger.

Just when I was ready to give up on the decency of humanity, an older woman saddled up next to me as we pushed our carts into the parking lot. She told me she had toys for the kids. Toys were not exactly what I needed at the moment, but she was so sincere. Coincidentally, her car was parked next to mine. I unloaded Maiya into her car seat, then Haven to his. Meanwhile, the woman opened her trunk. She looked at me with a twinkle and said, "What would they like?" She had big bags of stuffed animals. My first thought was that I did not want to bring potentially germ-infested stuffed animals from an unknown source into my car or my children's lives, but I chose to look at her gesture as what it was: kind and generous. Just the traits that I needed somebody to possess at that moment.

We drove home with our groceries, a lion, a tiger and a dog that barked the whole way.

Thanks for the support and advice!

This morning I tried something a few of you suggested.

Haven: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Me: I can't understand what you're saying when you talk like that.

Haven: (smiles) Please!

Me: Please what? What is it that you want?

Haven: Yes (we've been teaching him to say yes because he used to say Oh instead of Yes, I think he was just running through all of the nice words he knows.)

Me: Yes what? What do you want?

Haven: Please!

This lesson is going to take a while. For both of us.

Give me some wine for that whine

Whining. Somebody, anybody, tell me how to stop this mind-numbing sound that emanates from my children. I bite my tongue because I know that expressing my feelings about it would only sink us all deeper into the Whine Pit. This morning I tried ignoring it. It worked. For three and a half seconds.

I don't want to point fingers at any particular member of this household, however ... Haven is not a big whiner but he is a copycat. I'll leave it at that.

The post-nap, pre-dinner hours are particularly screechy. Dinner preparation is losing all the joy it once held for me. And fast. Like, oops, oh, it's gone. I have tried appeasing them with snacks - then they don't eat dinner. I have tried appeasing them with a television show - then they lose it when I turn it off. I have tried giving them toys, free reign of the pots and pans cabinet, fun music .... not the mention the PILES of toys that are EVERYWHERE! No thanks, mom. We want your undivided ATTENTION! Won't dinner cook itself?

One night I ordered pizza and we played during the time that I would normally cook dinner. No whining. Hm.

My current options are stop cooking dinner or to cook during nap time. Or get fat and go broke ordering out every night. I don't like any of those options.

Any tips?

Keep 'em comin'

This child is hilarious. He's finally talking enough to keep us laughing throughout the day. If he saw this picture, he would say, "Mess! Mess!" He hates messes. I honestly don't know how Dave and I brought a child into this world who hates messes, but good for him. He finds little particles of cheerios or dust on the floor and then puts in the trash can. Like it's fun. I hope it sticks and it isn't just a pre-potty-training trait.

I'm sorry if this next story is a little off-color, but it was too funny not to share. Haven was with me in the basement yesterday, it was hot and I was wearing shorts. I bent down and I felt a little hand lift the bottom of my shorts and Haven said, "Poop? No poop." I guess he was checking my diaper!

Confidence.

I've thought a lot about this lately. My children came into this world with plenty of it. They would scream, smile and proclaim their presence as Here and Important. They still do. Confidence is obviously something we are born with, so it must be through experience that it ebbs.

Through my internship I was able to watch different counselors work. I noticed that a lack of confidence on the counselor's part broke down the relationship almost immediately. I learned as a counselor I would not know how to help everyone, but with two tools, I could smooth the transition from novice to helper. The first is to know my own limits and the second is to know how to get the help the person needs.

I have found that so many of the things I learned in my experience and education as a counselor are applicable to parenting. I think God knew I needed some training, and He timed my education and the start of our family just right.

I am becoming aware of what I can give to my children. The weight of it is tremendous and the impact immeasurable. There are limits to what I can do well and it will be advantageous if I work as hard as I can within those limits. When they need things outside of those limits, it will be up to Dave and me to learn, grow or find help. As long as I remain aware, I can maintain confidence. I can stand tall. I will do the best I can with what I have; this is a mantra my Dad taught me.

Confidence is a huge thing for a mom. Not just the benefit to her own mental health, but specifically in training her kids. I remember putting a giant, floppy hat on Haven's head last Summer. It was goofy-looking, but it protected him. I tied it under his chin and he looked at me doubtfully. I stepped back and told him he looked very handsome. He smiled and wore the hat proudly. If Mommy says it's cool, it's cool. (Parents of teenagers: I get that this changes, I'm going to go ahead and lap it up while I can.)

I want confidence to be a gift that I give to my children. I want them to be aware of their unique strengths and weaknesses. Often we focus too much on one or the other, most of us on the latter. What a beautiful thing it is to see ourselves for who we are. May you recognize your strengths today, may you respect your weaknesses, may you grow and walk in confidence.

Few things, as random as my days.

• We had a fun Memorial day weekend with my Dad and Gail. We also visited my Mom while we were in the area.

• It is sickeningly ironic that the same week that I finally get the stroller of my dreams, I see a bear every single day. at least once.
  
  
• Maiya has a few words: all done, hi, banana, mama, dada. Tonight, after some intensive coaching, she said Hi Dada.
  

• Today I said to Haven, "Do you want to see where you came out?" and realized that if I had not had a c-section, this is not a question that I would never ask him.
  
  
• My friends from playgroup and I have come up with a great idea for a reality television show. All I will tell you is that we think it's going to be hilarious. I'm sorry to be so secretive, but I don't want anyone to steal the idea. So, watch your listings for what is sure to be a smash hit.

• Since I'm freaked out about the bears and our laundry is only accessible by going outside, we have approximately zero clean clothes.
  
  
• I love this picture of my mom and Maiya:
  
  
  
  

Get off my deck.

Question for moms...

Maiya loves to nurse. I've loved it too, but I want to wrap it up in the next few months. She'll be 1 in July (wow!). She eats other foods pretty well and she enjoys water and soy milk. So ... I'm looking for suggestions. I tried to get some info online, but all I found were articles about the benefits of extended breastfeeding and how traumatic it is for a child to be weaned. Great, helpful.

My plan is to drop one feeding every couple of weeks until she's done. Currently she nurses once before each meal and once before bed and usually once in the middle of the night. Will this work? Any suggestions on which feedings to drop first?

Haven weaned himself, so this isn't an experience I've had. Suggestions are welcome!

Learnins

I wouldn't say that education was on the top of my parents' priority list. We were homeschooled, which might lead one to believe the contrary, but the reason for homeschooling was more for our moral benefit than academic. Not once in my childhood or adolescence was I pressured to succeed academically. Perhaps that was why I was able to enjoy college; one thing I gained from homeschooling was a love for learning.

My sister, Jessica, and I were basically homeschooled forever. We had a few jaunts in traditional schools, but for one reason or another we always returned to homeschool. There are things we feel we missed, not socially because we had totally rad friends in our homeschool group, but educationally. I don't say this to berate my mother's efforts. It's just a fact that when it is one person's responsibility to supply a complete educational package for twelve grades, somethings will be missed. There are obviously ways to avoid this, as modern homeschoolers know. I like to think of my first family (to distinguish from my second family of Dave, Haven and little m) as pioneers of the modern homeschooling scene.

So, it is a wonder that Jes, Rebecca (who was homeschooled until grade 6) and I love college. And we are good at it!

For example ...

I send out a HUGE congratulations to Jessica for earning her Master's degree! My co-lover of education graduated today and Maiya and I were there to take in the accomplishment.
Nice dress!

Good job, dude!

Maiya didn't quite make it through the ceremony.

Go Jes!
(aka Jessica Kruse, MA)

Swine Flu Prevention

Don't do This

The Boy Child

When we were younger, that's what my sisters and I called Darin. He didn't love the nickname, but by then he had learned to choose his battles with us. I wrote an explanation of Darin's life in another post. In short, he is a Monk and on Sunday, we took Maiya to meet him.

As the third of four kids, he spent a lot of his childhood with a lot of other kids and the influence is still evident. He asked all the right questions about Haven and Maiya. He was a natural baby holder and Maiya liked him immediately. Haven, on the other hand, was kind of intimidated by his beard.

Haven was not intimidated, however, by the gigantic construction trucks on the campus. He was ready to climb inside and take them for a drive.

Darin said we could stay for dinner. For the record, a Monastary-style dinner + two little kids = an interesting situation. First of all, Monks eat at their own table. In silence. Secondly, men and women do not eat together. So, Dave and I each took one kid to our gender-respective tables and attempted to feed them tuna and salad. This was interesting since Haven doesn't like tuna and Maiya can't yet have tuna. We were able to interest them in the accompanying apples and bread.

To say that Monks are quiet people is in an understatement, as it is to say that Haven and Maiya are noisy people. Sounds of "apple!" and "no!" and whines filled the otherwise silent dining area. Afterward, Darin said it was fine because it was an "informal" dinner. Well, I think we gave a new meaning to Monk idea of informal.

It was a short visit, as it always is and unfortunately, this time he did not have permission to have his picture taken. Here are few shots of us from the visit:

Here I am, covered head-to-toe. Maiya got away with showing a little leg since she's still a baby. She also wasn't required to wear a head covering, but with a such a cute hat, I figured, why not?

Do I like this grass or not?

It was a quiet drive home.

A night out for Mommy means a wild party at home...

Times two.

You get it when you get it. Three of my friends are about to get it. And then they'll get it. But until you get it, you don't get it.

When you get him or her, I should say, you get it.

To clarify, when you get the Second Baby you get the craziness of managing two kids.

I am telling you right now that today the manager at the grocery store most certainly not get it.

Lately I've grocery shopped in the evenings when I can go with just one child, or, sometimes, gloriously alone. Today, however, we were very low on food supplies and since we're such food lovers, I decided to venture to the store with both babies.

(Yes, in a lot of ways Haven is still a baby. But don't tell him I said that. He considers himself a B'Boy. When I ask him if he is a baby he says very confidently, "Not a baby -- Maiya." However, until I can safely allow him to walk through the grocery store next to the shopping cart I will continue to call him a baby in my mind.)

Once we parked, I strapped Maiya into the carrier and Haven into the shopping cart seat. We were about half way through the store when I noticed black streaks all over Haven's shirt and arms and cheeks. There was something all over the cart that was now all over my boy. I dug to the bottom of the shopping cart, through my gigantic bag and retrieved the wipes. They served to smear the blackness into a grey fog. You havegottobe kidding me.

As we checked out I peeped, "I don't mean to complain, but there was something all over the cart--" The woman was very kind and appropriately flabergasted and called the manager. The manager that did not get it, as I mentioned.

He saw the mess and said ... "We'll take care of the cleaning bill for the shirt."

I was not looking for any compensation, but I was shocked by this offer. Cleaning bill? Are you suggesting that I'm going to take this little boy's Old Navy t-shirt to the dry cleaner? And then come back here and give you the bill? Please look at us - I have a sleepy 9-month-old whining and attached to my hip and a toddler covered in junk after a quick trip through the grocery store. Do we look like the kind of people who get through errands quickly? Trust me, you won't see a cleaning bill from us. I didn't actually say any of this, I might mention.

We got home and after I carried the groceries and kiddos inside, I realized that there was not only grease on my shirt as well as Haven's, but blood too. Is this some kind of joke?! I could not locate a source of this blood on any of us. Okay...

I changed Haven's shirt and scrubbed his face and arms. I read him two books (an extra because he was so well behaved at the grocery store despite the poor circumstances) and put him in bed. I put Maiya down for her nap, which included nursing her, killing a bee and changing her clothes because I found a streak of blood down her shirt too (still no source).

It was then that I remembered that I bought ice cream at the grocery store and it was still in one of the bags. Sorry about the freezer burn, Dave. This gets better and better.

Thus Grocery Shopping became an event. I will now finish this blog and go do the subsequent laundry that occured due to our trip.

Skills.

I try to remember all of things that I can do well. I was overcome by with a sense of nostalgia when I received the latest newsletter from my former employer. I didn't even like that job for the last two of the five years I worked there. Yet, I missed it for a few moments.

I just read a short memoir called Not Becoming My Mother. The author wrote that many mothers during the 40's and 50's felt like they were wasting their brains and talents sitting at home. Some days I can relate to that so well. Except that I don't sit at home. I'm on my feet, or my hands and knees, almost always. Though, by the end of the day, the living room and kitchen look like I've been sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating all day. I tell Dave that this is how I spend the day when he asks what happened that I could not complete something I'd planned to do. Maybe that's what I missed about my job - the way I could tear through my to-do list before lunch.


These little happy faces are what I'm good at right now. It's just that there is no way to quantify my success. Even when Haven listens or quickly stops a tantrum, I automatically think it is due to his phlegmatic personality more than my parenting skills. Who's to know?

Anyway, this is not the time in my life when I shine, I guess. I'm backstage. Most days I handle that graciously, I hope. Other days I want to see a report card with my name on it and straight-A's emblazoned down the side.

Back to my original thought - focusing on what I'm good at doing. It isn't anything that has to do with being a homemaker or housewife or any of the images that come to your mind when you hear those terms.

I have accumulated an interesting skill set, though. Let's see ... I can nurse Maiya and change Haven's diaper at the same time. I can nurse Maiya in the car while we're both still in our seat belts (while Dave is driving, I might add, I don't Brittany-Spears it). I can carry on a ten minute conversation with a person whose vocabulary consists primarily of animal sounds, single-syllable words and the identification of the letter W. I can fold a basket of laundry amongst the destructive efforts of not one but two kids. I can keep track of how long a sippy cup has been sitting on the (you name it) and what is inside said sippy cup and if it is safe for the tiny crawler approaching it. These are significant skills. I say they're resume-worthy.

This is the way I feed my kids, feed my kids, feed my kids...

Several years ago, when my in-laws moved to Florida, my mother-in-law said one of the things she missed most was cooking for Dave.

I've always thought that there was something about mom's cooking - the food one grows up eating. It's tastey and just right, even if it's not super tastey. On the rare occasion that my own mom is at our house and whips up dinner, I revel in the familiarity of the flavors.

Now, I'm getting the mom's perspective. I love feeding my kids and I love watching them eat good meals. So ... now my food is mom's food. My cooking is their childhood food.

Teaching them to eat well and enjoy good foods is a significant responsibility to me. So, toward that end, I offer them healthy options. Breakfast and dinner are big meals for us. I spend time making eggs, hot cereal or French toast for breakfast. I think about dinner and like to make hearty food with a little something from every food group. Lunch, which is grabbed around nap schedules, does not always get as much attention.

Sometimes it look a little funny on the plate.

Here is Haven's lunch. Pot-popped popcorn without butter or salt, kidney beans and cheese. So, that's an odd lunch, but he ate it. That day Maiya got kidney beans, ohs and cheese. I'll be taking luncheon catering requests on a first-come-first-served basis. Try not to overflow my in-box.

So, what interesting foods have you offered your children?

A little thought.

Did anybody watch Oprah the other day? She talked about motherhood and had lots of funny moms talk about their lives. I loved it. My favorite part was the woman who said she cried when she had to buy a mini van. I want to watch it again. There was a lot of laughter.

What particularly struck me was the blogging mom who makes $40,000 a month ... selling ads on her blog. I wonder what I am doing wrong because I haven't received a penny for writing on this blog ...

I guess in addition to superb writing skills and time to write, I guess that the willingness to tell all to an Internet audience is imperative. Hm. For forty thou a month, I'd consider it.

I imagine we will look back on these years as the time that people became successful by selling their privacy. Consider shows such as Jon and Kate + 8. (For the record, I'm entertained by this show and I think you do what you need to do to support 8 children. If that leads to tremendous popularity, well, so be it. Good for them.) I wonder how many people in the end, after exposing their lives, would say that it was worth it. Would Jessica and Nick (Newlyweds)? I'm just curious, which is why I (we) watch these shows in the first place.

Anyway, would you give up your privacy for a big chunk of change?

Turn your frowns upside down.

The other day I was reading a parenting magazine while Dave caught the latest sports game and the babies dug through the blocks box. I try not to laugh out loud when I read because it's kind of like having an inside joke and outsiders don't feel good about inside jokes. Well, on this occasion, I couldn't help it.

Dave: "What's so funny?"

Me: "This article is about this mom--" I couldn't stop laughing.

I finally pulled myself together long enough to explain that the article was about a mom of two young kids. It outlined her typical day and then, at the end of the day, her husband asked if she was alright and when she said she was just tired, he said ...

"Why?"

That sent me into hysterics. When I retold it to Dave, I said Why like it was a punch line. He didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did. Then again, tears were practically running down my face.

I was in rare form, laughing at the chaos of my life. It's good to laugh. It's good old medicine to laugh. Another day I might have rolled my eyes at that article and muttered nobody knows the trouble I've seen. But our pastor had recently preached about the pointlessness of self pity, so... Let's face it, laughing is a much more healing resonse.

Some day a shower won't be to me what a day at the spa is to most people. Some day silence will mean the kids are grown and not that they are eating the cat's food.

For now, I will enjoy the ruthless rythem of my day. The kind that renders me unconscious by 9:30 PM. I will laugh about it as much as I can, and when I can't laugh, I'll just try to memorize these four chubby cheeks that somehow just keep smiling.

and the best husband award goes to...

Today is our anniversary. It's been four years since this picture was taken. I'm telling you we still look just this good. Well, Dave certainly does, but he hasn't been pregnant twice. Anyway, back to the point: we still feel this good. I'm thrilled to be with you, Dave. What a great life. It's crazy sometimes, I know, but I'm so glad we get to share the ups and downs with eachother. What an adventure. I can't imagine walking through life without you.

I wanted to have a slide show with music playing in the background, but unfortunately I'm not all that technically advanced. Here is the song I would play with the slideshow.

side note: didn't my mom do a nice job on my bouquet?

Springtime at our house

"Ooh, ooh, child, things are gonna get easier..."

A few months ago I used to sing/yell this song to myself when my days were chaos. Babies change so quickly, don't they? Already dawn has broken.

Last night Maiya slept for 11 hours straight. I, however, woke up at least every two to look at the clock and make sure the monitor was still working. Don't you worry, I'm sure I can adjust.

Yesterday Haven ran to the bathroom door and yelled "pee!" I put him on the potty, which has been little more than decoration the past couple of months, and he produced a respectable amount of pee. We talked about it all afternoon and he proudly told Daddy at dinner. I realize it may be months before he's doing this consistently, but I'm proud of his start.

These small victories chart our progress out of the wildnerness of sleeplessness and showerlessness.

Penny - er, a trillion - for your thoughts

Dave and I voted differently from eachother in November. Mostly because I am an idealist and he is a realist. This difference bodes well for our family, but not so well for our making an impact in the vote tally.

Anyway, our big topic of discussion lately has been government spending. I like to think it is a means to an end - a good one - while Dave thinks it is a power trip. I like to think that the money is going to creating much-needed jobs which will in turn improve our economy. I hate to think that it's just a bunch of fat cats buying bigger pent houses while a ton of middle class people lose the homes they worked for years to buy. Hm ... I'm starting to feel more cynical already.

Dave and I had tons of fodder for our discussions last time I opened this blog for political comments. So, let's open it again. I think that I have an array of political views among my readers (all 5 of you) and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Bring it.

Chatter

Haven's vocabulary has exploded in the last month or two. It's been tons of fun to hear his thoughts. Well, mostly fun.

Yesterday we were in the grocery store and he said (what I think was) "Daddy just pooped! Daddy just pooped!" over and over and over. Lucky Daddy wasn't there to be mortified.

He put his first 4-word-sentence together. I was feeding Maiya at the table, I got up to run to the kitchen for something, and when I returned he said, "Her want more please."

He got a ride-on motorized bus recently, a belated birthday gift. I told him we had a special surprise for him and we gave it to him when Dave got home from work. He had a blast pushing the button to move forward and honking the horn. The morning after we gave it to him he was sitting at the table eating cereal silently. All of a suddent he said, "Bus! Daddy!" I guess he was thinking about the night before.

He is so cute (in a two-year-old way) at bedtime. He knows how to grab my heart. He stretches those giant eyes wide open and just when I'm going to leave him in his bed, says, "A'other song?" "T'kl T'kl?" He wiggles his fingers and I give him an enchore of Twinkle Twinkle.

The funniest thing about him talking is that I act like he's fluent in the English language. Most people, however, don't even understand when he says words like Thanks (t'x) or Up (ahh-bee). I guess I can add interpreter to my ever-expanding list of mommy skills.

Notes from the moutain people.

Yesterday we had a window salesman visit us. I asked for it. I made the appointment. You could argue that it's my fault. He was at our house for almost 3 hours and provided us with a host of information that was irrelevent when he finally got to the bottom line. Throughout his banter he made it clear that his windows were high end and that they just weren't for some people. I guess he thought we were "some people" because he made a few patronizing comments about blue collar workers and how his company sometimes sells windows to people who own homes that cost as little as 250k. We had not given him the price of our home, so I guess that was his best guess. I wanted to say that we were proud of our house and that we worked hard to buy it and we still work hard to own it. It's our first home and while it may not be very flashy, we're happy with it. But before I could get those words out, he was criticizing our windows (the ones we were not looking to replace) saying he could easily push them right out of our house.

This was obnoxious enough. But we were turned off only a few minutes after he arrived. He showed up early and said "Sorry I'm early, there's nowhere to hang out in the woods." Then he walked into the living room and said, "You guys are mountain people up here!" Maybe he said this because I was changing Maiya's diaper in the living room. I'm sure that didn't help.

Before he left he asked us a million questions about bears and if there would be one waiting outside by his car. We told him they were hibernating but I'm not sure he knew what that was.

It turns out his windows are for some people, some people that aren't us. They are high end and we aren't going to stay in our home long enough to make it worth the investment. We'll keep looking until we find someone with windows that suit our budget. And our decorum.

I know I've been slacking on this blog since I joined a web networking site with the initials fb.

Anyway, a few things...

Haven turned 2! This deserves an entire post all its own. The highlights are that he and I took a bus ride together (he loved it so I loved it too), we had a Backyardigans-themed party with some friends, and my mom came to spend the actualy birthday with us.

I'm finally working! I mentioned about a hundred years ago that I got a position doing in-home counseling. It took a while for me to get my first case, but I have a couple of cases now. It's just a few hours a week but it feels good to use my degree and to bring in a few extra bucks.

In what felt like an endless search for a job, I realized that this shiney, new Master's degree isn't doing me any favors without a license to go with it. The job I got only requires a Bachelor's, which is frustrating. So, I've started to study for the National Counselor's Exam. I actually kind of missed hitting the books. (Don't tell Dave, he'll send me back to school for my phd.)

I can't wait for the snow to stop and the sun to shine. Now that Haven can thoroughly enjoy playgrounds and Maiya can sit in a swing, I know this Spring will be lovely.

I'm enjoying my kids. Maiya is starting to feed herself cheerios (thank you!), is sleeping pretty well, knows what she wants and how to get it (the child can scream) and she adores Haven. The feeling is mutual and Haven thrives on making Maiya laugh. The other day Haven "nursed" a doll while I nursed Maiya (I decided there was no need to explain to him that he won't every nurture a real baby that way). We just incorporated Time Out and sometimes if he does something that he knows is not allowed he just looks at me and runs to the Time Out spot.

That's my update for now. I'm still reading the blogs on my link list! It's fun to hear about everbody's adventures.

Thank You, Lori!

Maiya loves her new hat!

Thoughts on Motherhood, Before & After

Before I became a mom, I thought: If I'm nice to my kids they will always be nice to others.
After: Oh man, he's figuring out how to be selfish all on his own.

Before: If I give my kids a variety of foods, they will not be picky eaters.
After: Really, Maiya? You won't keep one bite of cottage cheese in your mouth?

Before: How expensive can children be? I'm sure it's not too much.
After: What?! Diapers are more than the electric bill?

Before: I will be able to relate to most moms when I have kids of my own.
After: Wow, there are a lot if different ways to do this.

Before: I won't be one of those moms who goes out looking like a mess.
After: I have both indoor and outdoor sweatpants.

Before: I would never feed my children fast food.
After: Burger King has a veggie burger and apple slices, we're there.

Before: Drive thru's are for lazy people.
After: Yes, I'll drive 10 miles out of the way to go to a drive-thru bank. Even when gas was $4/gallon.

Before: I'll make everything from scratch so they can have the healthiest food available.
After: Hm, this prepackaged stuff looks pretty healthy.

Before: I won't be a nervous mom, I'm sure they'll be just fine.
After: Maiya has been sleeping a while, I better go make sure she's alright, and risk waking her.

Before: I won't be one of those moms who can't stop talking about her kids.
After: This blog, case in point.

What else? What did you think before you became a mom?

A donut plant is a good plant to grow.

Saturday morning was the typical drill at our house. Breakfast. Toys all over the living room. The Food Network on TV. Everybody in pajamas. The show we were watching reviewed a donut place in the city and the donut glazes were made from fresh in-season fruit and they homemade all of the jelly for the fillings. Dave asked if I wanted to go. I was practically in the car before he could get the words out. Not quite, because getting out the door with two kids takes an hour not a second, but in my mind I was halfway to Manhattan.

When Dave used to visit me in Delaware for the weekend, while we were dating, we would go to Dunkin Donuts in our pajamas. We were so cute back then. Anyway, this time, we all got dressed. Here's how it went (Jon & Kate style):

4 Shirts
4 Pants

8 Socks

6 shoes

2 diapers

4 coats

2 hats

So, we crossed the Hudson and got ino the city in record time. I said I wanted to sit down and have some coffee with my donut, but the crowd winding out the door of the place indicated there were no facilities to accomodate me. This was a gigantic kitchen with a counter.

So, the Family From The Suburbs parked the SUV, unfolded the bulky double stroller and waited in line for donuts among the sleek, kid-free citizens of SoHo. Maiya, in true form, began to scream just as we made it to the counter. Dave had to make the executive decisions on our donut selection as I fixed my coffee-to-go and ushered her our the door, away from The Stares.

We ate our donuts in the car. Not all of them. I will not disclose here how long it took us to consume 8 donuts because that's a family matter.

You might like the dessert Creme Brulee, but until you've sampled a donut of the same name from the Donut Plant (complete with the crispy top), you haven't enjoyed Creme Brulee to it's fullest potential. We also tried a pistachio donut, which was delightful, as the nuts were fresh roasted. Even the plain donut with chocolate frosting was divine. What I mean to say it, was completely worth the drive, the toll to leave New Jersey and the outrageous price ($19 for 8 donuts). If you're in the area, it's called Donut Plant on Grand Street.